Transient Rail

Please give us 48 hours notice before you conduct a debate on the tracks about the nature of being and reality.

We understand such events will take place - we just need to know in advance. 🙏🛤️

The 19:19 to Cuttleswoft and Dullbrick has been delayed by 40 minutes. This is due to an unscheduled ontological debate occurring on the tracks.

We've got our best and brightest hard at work on your suggestion, and soon we'll find the page of the dictionary which defines what a 'ramp' is. Such technology is news to us. 🚆🧠l

🛠️ R&D update: 42% of our steam trains have been successful converted into 'scream trains'. These models benefit both commuters and the environment:

✔️ No more nasty fossil fuels
✔️ Scream if you want to go faster!
✔️ Noise pollution > Regular pollution
✔️ Lung exercise

😱🛤️💪

The 08:91 service to Somewhere Over The Rainbow has been cancelled. This is because we couldn't figure out how to go over the rainbow, only underneath it. 🌈🚊

The 11:03 service to North Southshire has been delayed by up to 6 months. This is due to spiders. 🕷️🚉

We will not be updating our branding to reflect the results of this study as that is 'too much of a pain in the arse, why on earth did you waste company funds on this WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??'

It has come to our attention that a number of commuters have been spelling Transient Rail as Transyent Rale. After much research into the matter, it turns out both we and the commuters were wrong: the correct spelling is Transeant Rahle.

⚠️Important Safety Announcement:

Please do not. If you were going to, think again. If you have never, continue as you were. If you already have, please experience remorse. 🚝

The 99:99 to 99999999999999999 has been delayed by 99 minutes. This is due to a piece of toast getting stuck under the 9 key on an operator's keyboard.

Travel Update: The 08:17 to Glibsdale-On-Twix has arrived before leaving the previous station. It is now both at its next and prior stop. How's that for efficiency? 💪🚂

The 11:123 to Ipswich has been delayed by 24 minutes. This is due to a signalling box becoming too embarrassed to function correctly. 😳🚊

The fast-service to Jupiter's Northernmost Point is still going ahead. There aren't any rails to get there, and it would be highly unlikely to find a station present in this location, but we're going to have a crack at it anyway. Book now to avoid disappointment. 🔴🛤️

The 16:51 to Burlington, Vermont has been delayed indefinitely because such a train service never existed and never will so stop asking. ❌😤🚊

If you were to take all the trains in our network and lay them end-to-end, that would be really annoying and we'd have to put them back on tracks.

Please don't do that. 😤🚂

Safety Reminder: Do not give him your ticket.

If you've been affected by a delay and would like to claim compensation, you may be entitled.

Don't hate us because we're right. 🤙🚊

*For some reason this does not include Irn Bru — which suggests it may originate from outside the universe.

Please be aware: the 'Any Drink' function on a platform vending machine will dispense a 330ml can of a particular liquid present in a known reality*.

This may include those you do not like (e.g. coke zero), and those for which you have yet to discover a passion (e.g. the blood of an aged goblin).

The 17:10 to New Hamptonshonshiresmouth has been delayed by ten minutes because we're not sure if that's a real place. 🤷‍♂️🚊

We're happy to confirm that we will not be integrating A.I. into any of our trains at this time. Not because we don't believe in rapacious technologies — but because the ghosts trapped in our network wouldn't let us do it. Damn ghosts! 👻🚊