Cold🪦Sam

Signing a credit card receipt with a signet ring

Money tongue emoji doesn’t make any sense to me

My bank teller: maybe he lick it. maybe he lick the money

Me: yeah. Maybe.

10/10 creature enclosure

wearing a ghillie suit made out of the same material as your couch

(replying to work email) Hmm I haven’t had a chance to dream about that yet. Let me open The Dark Conduit and get back to you. Thanks!

wario is a symbol of humanity’s untameable spirit. his war a cosmic struggle against mediocrity. Waluigi, by contrast, represents the shadow, fit only to be hunted down by his own guilty conscience

ive heard that if you meet robert brandom you can only ask three questions and have to be able to say why those questions

in brandom in the tower? is that where he gives and asks for reasons?

I’d say you were being abstruse if I even knew what that meant

finally getting down on one knee (in a shallow grave) and asking my ghoulfriend to bury me :)

Saw your man clinging to a leaf as it flew past my window

Ok, I'm evil, but you guys are delighting in being evil, and that's worse

neurotic temperament gf retiring disposition bf

Bedtime- it’s the most famous time to go to sleep. Yet some mischievous individuals choose to run away…

i tell my gf that her anxiety is in some ways the motor that makes her work so impressive. she freaks out and hyperprepares and ends up stunning everyone beyond their expectations. it’s torture but it beats complacency. the real trick is finding a way to enjoy the success

(explaining existence to an american) what if there was a hamburger

Returning to dust 🔜

BABA YAGA: who dares stand before my hut??
ME: hey can you turn this guy into a cat for me?
BY: huh? why?
ME: i hate him. engineer up the road says he's got a machine that can launch him into space. he'll spin forever as a cat
BY: what's in it for me?
GUY: please no! i have kids!
ME: his kids

We've been thinking about your proposal for our new slogan. While "Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!" is definitely a step in the right direction, it's just not quite there yet.

oh man the blade master specifically told me not to let this happen

the blade. i’m doing an Adult Learner’s evening course in The Blade

,
/| SORRY, CAN’T TALK
o[xxxx]0{::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::>
\| 2 BUSY STUDYING 🩸
`

😡

fine but i’m super angry at you now. not telling you why

sorry babe can’t leave until i finish looking through my photo album of Old Worlde miniature incense men again

C A S T L E ⚔️ Q U E S T
🏯🏰🏰🏰🏰⛩️🏰🏰🏯
🏰🪣💬🛡️⛲️➕⛲️🌹🏰
🏰🏯🧙🏼‍♀️🏯⛲️➕⛲️➕🏰
🍱🚪➕➕🗡️➕➕🤺🏰
🏰🏯🐉🏯➕🏯🔥🏯🏰
🏰🗝️👸🏻🏯🔒🏯➕🪉🏰
🏯🏰🏰🏰👑🏰🏰🏰🏯

“ok. great. and lastly, do you have any questions for us?”
“ah, yes. just one. Tell me the difference between a halberd and a bardiche. tell me right now or nobody leaves in one piece”

probably good to add a list of weapons you think you’d be pretty good with. maybe draw them also, to avoid confusion

Slipping a note to a bank teller which reads: "I have a gun. It's in my safe deposit box."