Old Sam

i just work here bro. i’m a swirling ball of pulsing energy entombed in flesh. i’m a dirty goblin with a pink bow in its hair. i’m an early spring breeze blowing thru a junkyard. i’m an eyeball. i’m tired

smuggling a tank into the sensory deprivation tank

you're welcome!

smuggling my phone into the sensory deprivation tank

A scary bald man bathed in evening redness.

Judge Holden

[from inside a hot spring] Onsen Zeros

"I was stuffed into a locker everyday for three years—now I understand how Jesus felt"

congrats

here u go

save me faded black cowboy shirt and jeans. faded black cowboy shirt and jeans save me

your cell phone begins blaring with a loud alarm tone you've never heard, and a loud voice begins intoning "YOUR FATHER HAS BEEN DEFEATED IN SINGLE COMBAT." you can find no way to turn it off

[the wet-stone spirit reading this] hehehe... that's right... come on up...

well I'm the type of guy who likes to wriggle 'round
Where pretty girls are well, I'd rather be on the ground
I'm slimy and I'm horrid 'cause cuz I've got a rotten brain
If you don't crush me or squeeze me I'll get into your grain
Call me the wriggler, yeah the wriggler

Himalayan cedar trees

Follow me through the ethereal cedars if you wish to live

ask not for whom my little hat bells jingle. they jangle sad jingles for thee

Yes, Conan. OK, Conan.

lucky for you that's the only kind available

it gets lonely out there on the sine waves

sure

this one's been stewed

"ohh, a "Book" club", i say, sliding my truncheon of rolled up phonebooks back into my pocket

he's the one what stole my hat

a bog is nature's time capsule of fashion history to a guy like me

never mind they found it

🤦🏻‍♂️

for context

can't believe i got robbed in the middle of the bog

Ok kid you seem pretty sharp so let me break it down for you: I need medical attention immediately.

whoa now. slow down there, partner. save some Tasks for the rest of us 🏜️