Tony Jones

Hands up, if the only woman who likes you is your mother or sister?
(The whole male contingent at the Tory conference: 👋👋👋👋👋)

Au bar, je regarde d'abord s'il y a une bonne bière pression. Sinon, une bouteille, comme au supermarché.
Jamais en cannette!

Just thanked the OP for reading the essay, so I don't have to.
She took one for the team!

Thank you SO much for reading this, so I don't have to.
You took one for the team there.

Si ces deux groupes veulent la censurer, elle est évidemment digne de confiance !

Qu'il (ou elle) soit de la gauche!

Just as an aside - I was delighted to come across the word "Binfluencer" - that neighbour who always knows which bin, which day, so everyone waits for them and does the same.

Growth in alcohol consumption - exactly what the country needs!

Think we've scored, but going back to Monsieur Meubles Friday to sit on it again. If we order then, we should have it by end of November. (Showroom ones weren't our colour!)

How are yiur breath-holding skills?

Esther, in the Old Testament, had a word about this situation. Deciding to do the right thing, she famously said
"AND IF I PERISH, I PERISH."

They've swallowed the idea that the UK is just a smaller, less brash, version of the US.
And THEY voted for it again!

Leather chair, with arms patched with tape

Going sofa-shopping this afternoon. Well overdue, as I really can't repair my chair with gaffa tape again, and Elizabeth's isn't much better.

Very rare in the Tory Party, non-existent in Reform Co Ltd.

"really get stuck IN," obvs.
(Still no Edit button!)

Auntie always knows best.
Whether you complain about excessive background music, distracting arty camera work, or right-wing political bias, the reply always takes the form
"We're sorry you didn't like X. Here's why we're right and you're wrong..."

Trouble is, the decent ones were driven out in the Great Brexit Purge.
Except the likes of Clarke and Heseltine, who are too old to really get stuck - though they talk sense from the sidelines.

Blessèd be you for that!

Poor Hezza. Must've felt so weird, a Tory conference with so few people, and all talking bollocks. Viscious bollocks at that.

But weirdly, the signs in cafés sometimes say "WC."
Which is meaningless in French.

I'm only doing my couple of days if I get the pension!

J'apprends toujours ta belle langue!

C'est pas mon avis - c'est Macron qui veut exclure la gauche.
Désolé pour n'avoir pas m'exprimer bien.

En tout cas, c'est pas lui (il a été gentil du début).
C'est son assureur qui joue pour temps.

En effet non. Donc j'attends toujours l'avocat.

That does LOOK pretty "final."

Moi, je suis en train de mettre mon garagiste en cause (depuis 18 mois!) pour un moteur.
La fenêtre serait plus vite!

Oh, that's your HEAD - I thought it WAS the sunset!

Yes, he fancies having judges' heads on spikes, around the Tower of London.

(Puts on *Punch* voice)
"That's (NOT) the way to do it!"