Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧

Winnie the Pooh always carries an EpiPen with him, because he's constantly breaking into hives.
🐢💨

Breaking:

Donorrhea Trump holds press conference and states, "President Mariachi of Spain isn't a nice man, everyone says so. He's not a good guy like me. I'm the bigliest good guy. He doesn't respect his Tacos, and puts his enchiladas in prison."
🐢💨
#TrumpEpsteinFiles

Great guy, did a lot of good things, but I beat him at golf. He was rubbish at golf, everyone said it. I was the best.
🐢💨

Oh I don't know🤣
🐢💨

I went to visit my local smoking emporium yesterday, only to find that it had been taken over by a bodily attire store.

Clothes but no cigar.

🐢💨

There's a definite buzz around the new barbershop in town.
🐢💨

That will confuse Cornish residents. They think licking puddles is the only way to drink water.
🐢💨

The Spanish when finding out Donorrhea Shitgibbon is halting all trade with them.
🐢💨

Donorrhea Shitgibbon thinks his father was Herman Goering.
🐢💨

Morning Tobes.
🐢💨

It's expensive to slick his hair back.
🐢💨

As I walked home from the pub last night, I passed an apple pie, a large rice pudding, a black forest gateau, and three large slices of meringue.

I thought to myself, "These streets are strangely desserted."

🐢💨

a crowd of people with their hands on their heads ALT: a crowd of people with their hands on their heads

🐢💨

I've just been informed that yesterday was Deaf awareness day.

I never hear about these things.

🐢💨

Geriatric jokes get old after a while.
🐢💨

I used to have a serious speed bump phobia, but I slowly got over it.
🐢💨

Basically Herr Fuhrage, the UK population doesn't want any relationship with Donorrhea the Pedo President, or any of his sycophantic faecal arse dribbles.
Hope this clarifies matters for him.
🐢💨

Anyone know of a dog or cat breed that vacuums, irons laundry, makes coffee, and cooks meals for their owner? If so, I want one.
It's 2026, so surely there must be a pet trainer out there doing this.
🐢💨

I've just been to see my GP about my marriage phobia. She asked if I know what the symptoms are.

I can't say I do.

🐢💨

(1) this is an incredibly personal post. I need to find a provider who can give me the medical care that will quite literally save my life. before I explain my situation, please know that I have disabled comments for this post and that I am just needing providers who want to help to DM me. I can’t

(1) I wanna say thank you to everyone who liked my post. I was afraid to talk about the situation I’m in for so long, because I feared people’s reactions. I feared getting painful and ignorant comments about it. I feared being seen as a complete weirdo for being so badly affected by what I

No donations from non UK citizens, and capped at £50k per parliamentary lifetime, ie: 5 years.
🐢💨

Went out for a meal last night and the waiter asked, "How do you prefer your steak sir?"

"Like winning an argument with my girlfriend."

"Extremely rare it is then sir."

🐢💨

I have no issue whatsoever with MP's being paid more, providing they have no, none, zero, zilch, Nada, outside jobs.
🐢💨

Matt Goodwhinge in his cub scout uniform, just before sticking his head down a toilet bowl for Bob a jobbie week.

He's been talking shite ever since.
#MattGoodwin
🐢💨

A police spokesperson said, "Officers are carefully sifting through debris looking for cheese scented candles to loot."
🐢💨

Top tip:

Never iron a 4 leaf clover.

You should never press your luck.

🐢💨

Robert Jenrick announces new super duo singing group, Bobby and Lee, AKA The Travelling Dingleberry's.
🐢💨

Not being scared of their own voters worked for the Tories at the election🙄
🐢💨

Chris Mason told that he's to be roving Middle East war correspondent, based in Tehran.
🐢💨