Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧

a man in a suit and tie says that he will not apologize for that ALT: a man in a suit and tie says that he will not apologize for that

I hear Dolly Parton has recently changed the method of keeping her swimming pool clean. She used to have a salt water system, but now uses

Chlorine Chlorine Chlorine Chloreeeene.

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I was going to make Alligator stew last night, but the cooking container I have is only a Crock pot.
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Herr Fuhrage missing out on meeting Donorrhea Trump shouldn't be a surprise. He is after all constantly bigly busy shitting himself, raising the bar on corruption to new levels of biglyness, and avoiding the Epstein files repercussions by starting wars.
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#TrumpEpsteinWar

Aladdin was banned from flying carpet races for using performance enhancing rugs.
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If I managed to get hold of Mandalorian steel to build a vehicle, I'm pretty certain it would be the beskar ever made.
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a man with a beard says " i ain t ashamed of what i 've done " ALT: a man with a beard says " i ain t ashamed of what i 've done "

I wonder if cows prefer to read moos papers or cattle logs🤔
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I've finally managed to control my gambling habit.

What were the odds of that?

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I've started a podcast just for locksmiths.

Nobody can get into it.

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Breaking:

Paleontologists have discovered the fossilised remains of a previously unknown dinosaur. The fossils are of a middle aged dinosaur with arthritis of the leg joints.

They've named it 'Mykneesaresaur'

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If Tomb is pronounced "Toom," and womb is pronounced "woom,"

Why isn't bomb pronounced "Boom?"

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My girlfriend just said, "You appear to be suffering from both amnesia and deja vu."

" I feel as though I've forgotten this conversation before."

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78rpm, fast spin.
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For the 10th year in a row, I've been voted 'most secretive guy in the office' by my co-workers.

I can't tell you how happy I am.

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Do you like horseradish?

Yay or neigh.

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We are the face of modern Britain.
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Can't get my vinyl to play on this new record deck, but they're very clean.
Any ideas?
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That's Donorrhea's job.
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Top tip:

Never wear Ukrainian made male underwear.

Chernobyl fall out.

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"They really are the face of modern Britain. What did I say Roy?"

"They're the the face of batshit crazy harridans, gammonati, and the intellectually challenged."
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We are the face of modern Britain.
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Both Excel and Incel misinterpret things as a date.

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We are the face of modern Britain.
Fvckwits and Chancers.
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a woman is standing in front of a map that says rain on it ALT: a woman is standing in front of a map that says rain on it

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I've just been told that my local bakery burned down last night.

Now their business is toast, and they'll knead to rise from the ashes

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Window lickers who say, "I am the face of modern Britain."
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My girlfriend asked why I sing in the car when reversing.

"I'm a backup singer."

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a man in a suit and tie is walking in front of a store that says plaza here ALT: a man in a suit and tie is walking in front of a store that says plaza here

Same here. Madness.
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Which weather presenter said it was getting warmer? Bloody -2 🥶 and my shell is icing up.
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I was talking to a woman last night who had hit her head, and forgotten all of her linking words.

She said, "I was walking ... I slipped ... fell ... bumped my head."

I lent her a helping and.

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I can't refrain from watching movies with strong female lead actors.

My girlfriend told me I'm a Heroine addict.

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