PolterDF ⚙️

ones. But then I read this and wonder what the actual fuck I was thinking to be responsible for someone while also acting like this instead of saying "Hey maybe don't do this for your own well being."

I can def see this, yeah. I'm sorry for this behavior. That was one of the times I should have realized what the fuck I was actually doing. This def strengthens the sick feeling in my stomach :/
I was such an embarrassing excuse of a partner jfc. Cuz again, I had feelings for the victim. genuine

used for art which is something I shared opinions with since it's something we have seen before. I don't like people using contacts for art only. But I won't be surprised if I suggested it frequently.

I'm sorry for making it sound like I was urgently asking for it, but I'm dead serious when I said I cared. If I could prove it, I would. I don't remember actively asking for art cuz I remember the Victim speaking about the concerns of being

Just a little too late for that tho. I should have acted sooner and snapped out of what I did. I don't know what held me back, because obviously, I should have owned up to what I did way sooner. I think I was scared of reality. This is in no way an excuse for my behavior tho.

though situations and stop being the pathetic person I am. I would have been happy without the whole sexual bs, especially since it's something I started growing more unwell with by the end. Cuz I started to realize that my sa trauma had influenced me.

Yeah, I shouldn't be wishing for this and I hope to grow out of this wishing soon. But if I could, I would apologize for all I've done to the victim, and stopped the whole thing a lot sooner to show that I genuinely cared and express it by being able to stand up and being the person to help in

It doesn't, ik. And yeah, as much as I wish for it to be possible, I know it'll never happen. I accepted that for a while.

Sorry my bad. I mistook you for someone else cuz my head a still a bit mixed up today

a partner simply for having M exposed to some bad people in the past. Back then I didn't understand it correctly and just got mad, but now I started to agree with this statement, especially since I also got M in danger with my behavior

13 I believe cuz I don't think we interacted that much 2018.
And you're missing the point on what I'm trying to say. I would fix my mistakes if I could and be someone to actually look after it and speak up if someone was being a dick to M.
Reminds me how an ex-friend of mine said I already failed as

I didn't intent on making it sound that way. I think when you reached out to me and said that M never wants to talk with me ever again, something finally clicked in my head and the dreams of the victim and I talking stopped for a bit

I think the dreams stopped ever since you reached out to me after my break. Except for once. But before that, it started off with daily dreams, then weekly. It was mainly us talking about our interests and life updates.

It made me happy and yes I'd do anything and I mean anything to go back in time to change my mistakes. But I acknowledge that it's simply not possible, and now I'm suffering the heart ache that's entirely on me. Because of the things I've done.

I also apologize if I made myself sound like a victim. I wanna make it clear that I'll take responsibility for all I've done and seek professional help as soon as possible.

And I already stated my side on the cheating part, that I didn't mean what I said. But I won't continue repeating it if you really don't believe my point of view. My brain is also a big puzzle to me sometimes, tho my adhd meds started helping.

I wrote all this from how I remember/ how I saw it. You have my word on that. But I fully understand the situation on the other perspective and acknowledge how hurt M must feel. I'm really sorry for the hurt I have caused.

Cuz this sickens me. I gen don't remember this but I'm trusting your word cuz I forgot some things I've done in general and how serious this whole thing is to me.
I'm just trying to explain my perspective cuz this gen doesn't sound like me, I'm sorry.

Cuz of how much I missed it. I hated the feeling of waking up to the reality of never being able to have small talks anymore. I also forgot about the art suggestion part, thank you for reminding me. /gen.

I did way too many fuck ups, explaining how important the small moments with M were to me would sound like nothing. I couldn't have been happier even. I just wish I realized my mistakes sooner and apologized immediately. I had daily nightmares of just having small talks with M

I'm sorry if it felt that way but I can guarantee that it wasn't this way. The victim's age played no fucking role in any of this. I was mainly dependent on M cuz of me seeking a purpose in life to keep going which wasn't correct of me. I gen cared about M and I wish I could have shown it better

Anyways, stay safe. And don't be like me. Look after one another.

If I don't respond here or on discord the next days, I might be unreachable for good.

I turned interactions off cuz ik most comments will mostly be "This is disgusting" or "This doesn't excuse this". Which is stuff I am very aware of and agree with.

Which i can't really see rn cuz I'm in an incredibly critical headspace and trying to not do something stupid.

can't really be proven. I have promised to not contact M anymore in any way possible. I take full responsibility for all my actions

I understand if you don't want to interact with me anymore in the slightest because of me being a past groomer. So feel free to unfollow.

I'm just terrified of going into a relationship atm. I don't trust myself with one.

I just want to make it clear that I'm incredibly ashamed and disgusted with my past behavior. I'm deeply sorry for what I've done. I can assure that this is no longer me, but I know it's something that

1. Cuz I still care about M a lot and feel like I'd betray us both if I started something with another person. And 2. Cuz I was afraid of hurting someone as much as I hurt M. It got so bad at one point where I grew incredibly paranoid and started hurting myself. But so far it only happened once.

I've been taking a 6 month break from socials to reflect and think how I'll approach things from now on. Ever since the break was over, I was constantly scared that I'd run into someone who'd want to hit up on me, because I was incredibly scared of going into a new relationship.

interacting with me if I made characters that were either of opposite sex, unattractive or minors. But these thoughts are my fault alone and very likely formed our of insecurity. But I still take full responsibility for what I did and continuing this. M was just busy most of the time with school.

For some time, I even believed that I needed to make my OCs attractive cuz I was seeking the validation from M. Something to have it continue being interested in me. It was mainly a process I developed because of M always showing interest for any of my male characters. I thought it would stop

never showing the ability that I could change that that I care about it for who it is. I was never able to fight for it, especially when an ex-friend of my said "Fuck M". I even made it feel cheated on for using a romantic term on someone without romantic intention which was incredibly stupid of me