Jessie

I am absolutely convinced that once every few weeks, NYT just makes up a random ass word to fuck up people’s Wordle streaks.

“Let’s add that to the words of wisdom.”

Charles Laclerc coming in with another absolute BANGER of a line.

Me and the mere concept of sleep have been sworn enemies from the day I exited the womb.

There is absolutely nothing funnier than watching the Sims 4 Facebook groups lose their everloving fucking shit over Trashley Reelpearson.

I wish my body didn’t hear the phrase “there’s something going around right now,” and take that as a challenge to catch and confirm that there is, in fact, something going around right now

I learned last night that my hearing aid has sympathetic vibration for certain bass tones. Which is hilarious considering my ear cannot hear low tones without it.

So now I can hear the sounds, AND get a tiny ear massage

I have to force myself to forget that this app exists every so often so I don’t start posting a bunch of sad bullshit when the Prozac wears off

Currently bursting at the seams because all I want to do is talk about how cute my niece is after stalking my sister in law @miyushan.bsky.social on FB for like 45 minutes

I really, truly do not have any fight left in me.

I’m turning 30 in exactly 1 (one) month.

My 30th birthday is on a Saturday, for the first time in ages.

The same Saturday that the Megaplex in SLC is doing a Twilight movie marathon.

The stars are aligning on this one, folks

38 years ago my father gave me my first computer. Today I will travel back in time to stop him.

Just a quick and solid reminder that just because you may not have MEANT to hurt somebody’s feelings, that doesn’t mean your actions or words are immediately forgiven.

Your intentions don’t mean shit.

The most likes i ever got on twitter was about how much i regretted getting in to Outlander because sexy man and it was just a bunch of fan pages for the show who i assume also shared in my regret

I pinned that shit so quick

My blood is 90% that little bit of juice that spits up when you hit a vape that’s been sitting in the sun for a few hours that makes you go bbbffppfftttbfbfbfbt

my my miss american pie

took my weenie for a peenie but the weenie was dry

I recently discovered listening to hardcore music while playing hardcore Call of Duty and suddenly i understand why some men just don’t go to therapy

I logged on to BO6 with the sole intention of not getting off until I finished gold on my KSV and I got it in the first match 🥲

I really wish I had known when I was younger that waiting until I was almost 30 to get my wisdom teeth out was going to permanently deform my face

I never fail phishing tests at work because I never check my email

I have truly entered perpetual sniffle mode

A month ago I was forced to factory reset my iPad and consequently lost every digital drawing I’ve ever done, ever.

Today, I was forced to factory reset my PC. Lost every app, photo, file, mod, game, setting.

I give up on technology.

God threw me into poverty and stripped me of my womb because he knew me being a stay-at-home-anything would give me too much power