See, this is why I subscribe to you on AO3. That’s quality.

In one of my “OTP (the p stands for polycule)” post on T____r she takes a contract with a company that does home remodeling if they threw in a bigger than king sized bed with set up.

Black Cat Girl: I wasn’t expecting my family to freak out over me saying I wanted to have a child with you. They didn’t act like that when my sister said it about her husband.

Golden Retriever Boy: She didn’t grab his groin, and say, “breed me, handsome.”

BCG: It’s functionally the same sentence

Golden Retriever Boy: I am one hundred percent stable, mentally.

Black Cat Girl: You’re not into me anymore?

GRB: whaaa?

Golden Retriever Boy: Happy Valentine’s Day! To celebrate why don’t you blow me

Black Cat Girl: *Immediately on knees in front of him*

GRB: …a kiss.

Golden Retriever Boy: Can you come with me to my therapist appointment next week?

Black Cat Girl: Why?

GRB: She thinks I’m making you up.

Black Cat Girl: Alright husband, I’m tired

Golden Retriever Boy: Okay, good night sweetheart.

BCG (hands on her hips) I said I’m tired.

*in bed*

GRB: I guess I’m tired too.

Golden Retriever Boy: One pleaseburger cheese?

Black Cat Girl: This is the man I will be marrying.

Golden Retriever Boy: You belong in a museum. You look like a painting from the rain sauce.

Black Cat Girl: …

BCG: …

BCG: Renaissance?

GRB: Yes!

Black Cat Girl (to single friend): In case you’re wondering what marriage is like; Golden Retriever Boy and I just fought over the fact he wouldn’t tell me where the snacks are that I asked him to hide from me.

Golden Retriever Boy: I told Black Cat Girl to embrace her mistakes… She proceeded to give me a hug.

Black Cat Girl: I feel like I can be myself around you.

Golden Retriever Boy: You’re weird and loud around me.

BCG: Yes.

Black Cat Girl: Come on, I wanna show you something. *Turns to walk away*

Golden Retriever Boy: Nice!

BCG: That’s not it, but thank you.

Black Cat Girl: Someone of my station does not chase relationships, I attract them. That being said, I am short. *runs over to Golden Retriever Boy* Please take smaller strides!

Golden Retriever Boy: Oops; my bad.

Golden Retriever Boy: I wish I had someone to kiss me good night.

Black Cat Girl: You do; you’re just not awake for it.

GRB: What?

BCG: What?

Black Cat Girl family member #1: Think they’ll have new “couples” shirts?

BCG family member #2:
Hopefully not as bad as last time.

Golden Retriever Boy: (Walks through door wearing a shirt that reads ‘I come in Peace’

Black Cat Girl: (Walks through door wearing a shirt that reads ‘Peace’)

Black Cat Girl: I liked you first.

Golden Retriever Boy: Yeah but I asked you out first.

BCG: I kissed you first.

GRB: But I said I loved you first.

BCG: I got to third base first.

GRB: I proposed first.

BCG: Yeah well…WHAT!?!

GRB: Will you marry me?

BCG: YES YOU GOOF BALL!

Black Cat Girl: I'm beginning to think GRB won't apologize for the way he acted in my dream last night.

Black Cat Girl: Let’s go on a date!

Golden Retriever Boy: Did…did you lose a bet?

Golden Retriever Boy: (Wearing a shirt that reads “I’m Cute.)

Black Cat Girl: (Standing beside him wearing a shirt that reads “I’m fucking Cute.”)

(He doesn’t get it…but she does.)

Black Cat Girl: Three words. Say it and I’m yours.

Golden Retriever Boy: okay, three words.

Black Cat Girl: (face palms)

Black Cat Girl: Are you afraid of the Gods?

Golden Retriever Boy: No, but I’m terrified of you.

BCG: (giving head pats) Good boy.

Golden Retriever Boy: Someone give me a reason to go on!

Black Cat Girl: (straddles him) Hi.

GRB: Wow, I really thought I was more complex than this.

BCG: Tough day?

GRB: Yes.

BCG: (hugs him)

GRB: Thank you. (hugs back)

Black Cat Girl: (comes home to find the floors swept, the kitchen counters cleaned, the dishwasher running, and Golden Retriever Boy prepping dinner.)

BCG:

Golden Retriever Boy: Apparently some people ‘ship us.

Black Cat Girl: I ‘SHIP US!

GRB: WHAT!?!?

Golden Retriever Boy: What are you doing tonight?

Black Cat Girl: Doomscrolling.

GRB: That’s super bad for you.

BCG: But have you seen the quality of the doom this week?