Dan the Architect 🎧

I came here to write this and you didn’t disappoint me 🫡

Want me to do guest vocals on your song? Sure why not. I’ve never done it before but maybe I’m a hidden gem.

You kids think saying numbers is cool? 67? How 'bout 9/11? Still having fun? Didn't think so.

A grey blue washed image of a bearded young ish white guy looking into the mirror all serious with his palm pressed against it. A serif font title reads: DID I JUST ARGUE WITH A JOKE? A semi opaque navy snoot near the bottom bears the bluesky logo and the text PART OF A BLUESKY EDUCATIONAL SERIES

Oh, you thought witch trials were only in our past? Boy, do I have news for you!

a group of men are sitting on a plane laughing and covering their ears with their hands . Alt: A group of men are sitting on a plane laughing and covering their ears with their hands.

Me living in a bubble

Alicia Sylvesterstallone

Good morning warriors!!!

Meh.

Vampire: Master of Darkness (GG / SIMS / 1992)

Tim Meadows is on Cameo

Me: *pays 140 dollars*

Tim Meadows: get away Dewey! don’t eat that Panda Express Orange Chicken! you don’t want any of that shit! It’s delicious!

Me: *delighted* *pays 140 dollars*

Meadows: Dewey get out of here! Don’t eat the rangoons! You don’t want any of that shit!

Me: *delighted* *pays 140

if bsky tanks i guess i’ll go back to saying stupid, weird, uncomfortable things to various cashiers and waitstaff

SOME GUY IN THE 50'S: i bet aliens fly around outer space inside of big shiny saucers
EVERYONE ELSE: agreed, lock it in

If you help me achieve time travel, I’ll try and convince Lars to use literally any other snare.

Back in the day, I got a record store to break street date on a new Metallica album so I could listen to it that night.

Unfortunately though that album was St. Anger.

Contrary to myth, it's not bacteria that makes Komodo Dragons' mouths so dangerous. It's their biting sarcasm.

Taurus: Give yourself a little credit. Not everyone could screw up so badly in such a variety of ways.

every Big Online Discourse™ reads like a transcript of people yelling at each other simultaneously catching every 3-4 words the other person is saying and assuming they understood it right

Ah, you think shitposting is your ally? You merely adopted the shitpost. I was born in it, molded by it.

Ma’am this is classism. You thought you were better than that. 🙃

I have no idea the context but I like the gumption

If you're gonna arrest me you might as well arrest everyone who reposted it! Oh, you plan to? Oh dear

don't mean to get political, but my bones are haunted

Ma’am, I love dial-up. Please stop making cliches from the 1870s.

Yeah I made a dial-up modem comment because I knew it would bother her… it did but jokes on her… I love dial up 😂

Maam, I’ve reported you to the internet police. Please be ready to turn in your dial-up modem.

I have spent an extraordinary amount of time revving my car up to 88mph. Hoping I can go back and fix a few things.

a white cat with a sad face is laying down on the floor . Alt: a white cat with a sad face is laying down on the floor .

Current:

Idk if you guys have heard of this Phil Collins guy but he’s got a ton of bangers