Berks of Delights

Trump follows his gut. His national security advisers try to keep up.

Confirmation then that his stomach is as lacking as his brain.

The coolest turntables under $5000

I don’t think I need to be subscribed to this any more.

I can’t think of a single time that I’ve thought, “it’s a shame that turntable isn’t $4750”.

Tony Livesey - With Johnny I'Anson - BBC Sounds Johnny I'Anson sits in with late night conversation and in-depth interviews.

Absolutely banging interview with Louise Gold, a puppeteer who worked on classic Muppets. Johnny I'Anson such a good stand in for Livesey on 5 Live, and covered working with Moores Dudley and Roger, Michael Caine and Jim Henson, and broader 70s ITV chat too. Last hour is where you need to go:

Good lord. Watching Match of the Day and the final kicks of that City Forest game must have created some of the squeakiest bums in history….

Play up Pallies!

Just discovered the front door was ajar from going to the post box at half time.

So, when I screamed “GET IN! GET RIGHT IN! GET THE FUCK IN! COME ON YOU BEAUTIFUL CLARET AND BLUE CUNTS!” on around 60 minutes, the entire road heard. And presumably kids walking home from school.

*rummages in closet for a Palace shirt for tomorrow*

My resting screaming face.

They rolled a double 6 and were able to enforce the added added time rule.

Naturally.

Entering the 9th minute of 6 added minutes.

These are obviously different minutes to regular minutes.

Fat man shouting

BLOW THE FUCKING WHISTLE

Mavrapanos on.

The ‘whatever you do, don’t press that button, Dougal’ of defenders.

That’ll be from…no, I’ve got nothing.

This is too stressful. I’ve taken my glasses off. Now it’s just vague shapes moving around a green thing.

Good luck!

T’riffic save from Hermie.

I’d almost completely forgotten that OTHER teams were playing tonight.

What’s the score in your game?

*looks at time in left hand corner of screen*

85 minutes.

*looks again, 10 minutes later*

85 minutes.

My hands are too sweaty to hold anything right now….

It’s okay. We can totally see this game out *fake smile and eyes full of terror*

Oh bloody hell, Forest. I was ALMOST there…

Time to check out the competition…then invite them all to a big country house…and then, mysteriously, they die one by one in baffling circumstances….

“I don’t get it, Sarge. How COULD they have glue gunned their own mouth and nostrils shut?”

*looks to sidelines, and sees the signal to switch to a 14-4-1 formation*

Soucek has “a dangerous head”.

If he goes below 50mph, it explodes.

*eats fistfuls of hubris*

Stop it.

You’re well on the way to becoming a whimsical mouse diorama influencer….

WE ARE CURSING THE EVENTUAL OUTCOME OF THIS GAME AND IT FEELS FINE!

Danica Patrick won’t be cursing Sky coverage with her presence in 2026

Spending time with her crystal skulls, raw liver and eugenics books instead…