🌤️

mostly i feel really sad about it, but it feels like grief that i can actually process vs before it just felt like something constantly eating away at me so horribly and i didn’t know how to handle it. so at least now i can actually untangle my feelings w/o the no contact hanging over me so heavily

to my nanny fam. i think that’s actually probably fucking me up a lot. and then not being able to shower yesterday did not help. and now my car not starting is Not helping. but i replied back to them and idk if there’ll be communication beyond that but i do feel like there’s weight off my chest

sometimes i go a while where i feel generally fine on my period and sometimes it actually feels like the world is ending for No Reason like the depression kicks my ass. and to be fair there’s been a lot going on this weekend and i think i am having a hard time feeling steady after reaching out

exactly two days with wintry vibes and seasonal depression has come knocking at my door like jfc 🥲 ik i’m losing it over a lot more than just that and ik i’m rlly high strung bc i’m on my period but ughhhhhh

saying this as someone who was the Only person who cleaned our apt for 4 fucking years

ex roomie driving me insane again, why is she so incapable of being a human being who can do anything for herself

they also haven’t responded to the email i sent yesterday asking about how long the application usually takes 🥲 so i’m trying not to freak out. there’s no reason to deny us so idk what the issue would be but i’m anxious

i want it so bad i am going to start chewing on the walls

i’m going to crash out if we don’t hear back about our apt application soon 😭😭😭

“they” being patreon in this scenario 🫡 to clarify

maybe a dumb and obvious question but did you try contacting them for help about it? i’ve had this happen to me w subscription apps on the app store and thought i was fucked until my friend told me to ask apple for a refund, so they may be able to help if you haven’t tried that avenue ❤️ so sorry :(

i’m feeling quite unwell this evening

i will never be able to get on a plane again without freaking the fuck out and getting obsessive compulsive about it

i can’t even compute this happening wtf

i was just thinking of their daughter when she was a baby the other day. what the fuck. their 11yo son was in the plane too and he survived and i just can’t imagine even a fraction of what he’s going through right now, that poor poor baby

i feel so fucking sick to my stomach. the dad was flying the plane, he’s had his pilot’s license for years and is an extremely experienced pilot so they think there must have been some sort of mechanical failure with the plane

freak accidents are so fucking horrible and they keep happening around me and i am so sick and so sad. close family friends of ours were just in a plane crash and their daughter died and they’re in critical condition, i don’t even understand how to begin to process this

this doesn’t even matter i just feel deeply irritated bc i’ve already had a long and difficult day like hey what was the point of saying that??????? gonna start replying to ppl like i talk to my toddlers. “was that helpful or hurtful?”

and just to note i’m not usually so “girls vs boys” behavior bc gendered stereotypes don’t help anyone w anything, but so genuinely a classroom full of toddler boys is always such a more intense nightmare than when there’s more girls

wow thank you for your input, i’m sure your opinion definitely holds more weight than my daily experience caring for a classroom full of toddler boys in a field that i’ve worked in for 4 years. like ,,, 3 kids of different ages is not the same as 16 2yos 😭 and i can tell you that from nannying

like you’ve gotta be Joking. why is it both our cars and why did it start the same day, this is so frustrating

my dad and husband worked on our cars last night and thought they’d got them fixed but then this morning levi’s wouldn’t start again and mine did but i got off work and went to drive home and it once again will not start 🙃 and i have to uber home bc nobody can pick me up im going to crash tf out

today i have been screamed at directly in my ears, hit, kicked, have had things thrown at me, etc etc. welcome back to working w a group of toddlers 👍👍👍

work is so exhausting rn. next week the school year officially starts so i’m going to have a new group and i think that’ll be much better when i’m starting off w them vs coming into a room bc those kids do Not respect you if they don’t know you 😭

today is her first day of school. i hope she loves it :( i’m feeling very ill about cutting off contact

oh i am missing my baby so much today :(

i apologized a million times and he was ofc only very nice about it but i still just feel so bad :((((

today has been the hardest day so far for levi and i feel so bad :(( and when i helped take the surgical binder off earlier we forgot to unhook his drains and i accidentally pulled on them and i’m still feeling horrid about it :((

so true! the drains are the worst of it for me so i’ll be glad when he can get them taken out 😭 besides those though things haven’t been too bad

i literally felt like i was gonna pass out, that was crazy work. they’re not even that bad 😭