Kat's Vibes

God I fucking hate catching feelings I wish I was aro

Haven't felt this lonely in a minute

Feeling worthless rn

It rules how no matter what I do I'm always going to step on the landmines that are people who took the side of my rapist for as long as I'm in the spaces I'm in. I'm not willing to give up that part of me to avoid it so now I just get to get hit with that every once in a while.

Really feeling like a fake girl tonight

I feel like my transition is never gonna go anywhere. I've been on hrt for almost 4 years give or take the bit of time I spent detransitioning and I still look like and present as a fat ugly man and feel like I always will

Feeling inadequate

The eternal mental conflict between wanting to be an unrestrained perverted freak and the feeling that if I do people are going to hate me for it

It fucks me up a bit how many of my friends follow them on one or both accounts. It fucks me up a bit how many of them know what they did to me and still do. But that's a me issue; I don't believe anyone's irredeemable so if they've judged my rapist reformed that's not my business.

Ope almost forgot to block my rapist's main and AD accounts here

I think I'm coming out the other end of this big anxiety/depression/whatever spike, thank god. Still feeling a bit off-kilter but I'm doing better

And I'm not sure I'd ever be able to be with a guy anymore romantically? It's hard to say for sure but I have a difficult time picturing myself doing it. So I guess that leaves being with a guy physically, and I think that's the one thing I'm not sure about ruling out anymore. But I'm leaning a way.

Time or later identified as a woman or more broadly did/does not identify with masculinity. With sex, it's more of the same - the only time I've been with someone who might currently be a guy is that egg I mentioned. Everyone else was out or came out as trans layer

The last time I dated someone who would identify as a man REALLY did not work out. The two times before were drug addicts/a dealer and those relationships were nightmares (and also, the second one might have been an egg tbh). Every other relationship I've been in has been with someone who at the 1/2

I've identified as a bi lesbian for a bit because I've tried not to center men in my life, have dated/had sex with men in the past and enjoyed it, and thought it was possible I'd do it again. But are those last two things actually true?

Damn. Am I actually a bi lesbian, or am I a women-only lesbian?

Feeling a really strong impulse to withdraw from everything and everyone. I know that isn't helpful but it's hard to not have that be a knee jerk reaction

Brain exploding bad this week.

Hey! This is a more personal account for @sables.ooo, I'm gonna dump things here that I don't necessarily feel comfortable putting out for a wider audience to see and engage with. You're welcome to try to follow me here but if I block you off of this account it's nothing against you, just curating.