Cardboard Adventurer

In the year 2026, all Trick-orTreaters will receive their candy via Door Dash.

Let's play a game: Each reply will unlock your new unlikely kink.

If you see this, quote with a robot that isn't from "Star Wars," " Star Trek," "Doctor Who," or "Transformers".

"Gaze! But also, shush, this is a library."

Hand fed*

I hand a chipmunk while camping. It took several test bites of my finger to decide if I was also food before running off when it realized it's mistake. So cute.

If a free-range dog shits on your lawn, you're allowed to adopt it. It's yours. I don't make the rules; it's the law.

I didn't want you to accidentally make a swear.

My coworkers are monsters. They put the toilet paper on backwards.

Shouldn't even be allowed to play chess.

Restless leg syndrome would keep me up for entire light-years.

Oh, so this is what is meant by "The party of personal accountability."

Ducking words*

Everyone must wear hats.

Darth Delicious stealing the show on Galaxy's Best Chef.

Captain Planet, starring Liam Neeson as the titular character. Just a blue skinned old man walking around throat punching every billionaire he comes across, while paraphrasing Green Arrow, because it's the latest show he binge watched. "You've failed this planet, whoever you are!"

Working retail has allowed me to witness a great many objects that herald the End Times. Like sequined Uggs.

Arrested the guy playing the storm trooper song to prove I’m not a storm trooper

Captain Planet, selected for Mortal Kombat, is entirely unprepared.

Capitan Planet and Swamp Thing collaborating on OF to raise funds for Greenpeace.

Captain Planet fighting in MMA charity events.

You have all failed Captain Planet and Gaia.

When in doubt, whip it out.

Dress for the job you want

Turn that frown inside-out.

Opening the store while listening to Richard Cheese is the best. Fuck everything.

The song 'The Penultimate Countdown,' wasn't the hit Europe hoped it would be.

Thank you, Indeed, for selling my phone number to scammers.

Welp. I had been using Spotify exclusively since 2011, but running ads for ICE was the last straw. I have known I need to cancel for a while, but I was dragging my feet. That's it man. Fuck spotify. Just cancelled my subscription.

Whistling Christmas carols at work before Halloween like it's 1999.