turbo jerry

I’m really, really good at bad decisions.

I never have to worry about disappointing my friends because I don’t have any friends.

A Nintendo RF adapter

if you recognize this go take your pills

shingles doesn’t care 😅

ME: [walking through the door]

THEM: long day?

ME: ugh, the worst
[slumping down on the sofa]
penis me, will ya?

THEM: [tosses me a dildo from the dildo warmer]

ME: ahhh, that’s the stuff

[meeting]
Boss: Anything you want to add?
Me: [furrows brow in vain attempt to look thoughtful]
Boss: Why did you say "furrows brow in vain att

There's two kinds of people in this world.
Those who love me and those who wish they never fucking met me

casually paced sex call that a slowpoke

'Night Moves' by Bob Seger but it's just me waking up every two hours to take a leak

i wanna say it so bad 😭, come on, say it, say it 😭 important news here but we can reliably count on one party to not give a shit 😭

“shit’s about to go down,” i say, before flushing the toilet .

hitman: how about i take you out tonight

his wife: what

be the good you wish to see in the world (gas up the homies at the trough urinal)

eating grape-nuts cereal because i hate myself

i just saw/remembered this thread & had a little laugh 🤣🫂 (was searching my trough urinal posts)

if that’s your man then why’s he gassing me up at the trough urinal?

i think you’re probably right about that

good god man put some intelligence on

dude at the adjacent urinal just peeked at my junk 3 times. i’m so back

but you know i love putting on a show 💅🏼💁🏻‍♂️

knew this one was coming lol

this sabotage has a distinct feel to it almost like ive done it to myself

Bro your page reads like a veritable who's who of all the people who are who

I just dropped some salsa onto my phone that I’m rawdogging. #TacoTuesday

ok, logical lol

you’re so right 💯😁

retro raw dogging

many are saying this

using my phone raw (no case or screen protector)

banger alert 🚨