Mary

You go to therapy pool after a hiatus and there he is. Therapy pool boyfriend. Smiling a huge smile when you walk in.

delete a post because of a typo? sure

Bag of mini eggs and a vitamin tablet, breakfast of champions.

classing up “junk in the trunk” and calling it “loot in the boot”

I’m at the age where I look at old pictures of me to see if that mole always looked like this.

Well, it's 1 for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get ready... 4 for sales, 5 for customer service, or 6 to hear these options again.

I watched a woman on YouTube put frozen riced cauliflower and garbanzo beans in her cacao breakfast smoothie.
This is a true story.

You expect me to eat chia seeds?? The same seeds I use to grow my pets?

brb, getting my refund at 24 Hour Fitness

You would never guess how many friends I’ve lost because I keep saying “you serious, Clark?” after everything they say

💗

Thank you. They really are.

💙thank you.

❤️

Me too!

His and hers midlife existentials

There was a time in the 90’s when you couldn’t buy a head of lettuce without a ponytail on it

Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much.

What the fuck is an "F" bomb?

When in doubt, buy another hoodie and keep being rogueishly good-looking

🤞

They auditioned over 5,000 foxes, but none of them could get the archery right.

🤣🤣

i’m not saving daylight this year you guys are on your own

A sharps container for the points I missed

Is it Christmas in Australia yet time’s a lie

Thank you!

❤️

🤢

🤣

💗