Dr. Glorious Avocado

Imagine the Illusive Man from Mass Effect saying this

caught my vampire neighbor creeping through my front door. he claims my saying “for sure dude, we should definitely hang out sometime” the other night counts as an invitation, but I disagree. we’re on hold with the etiquette hotline

🫡 hell yeah

*Heroically* well you see Sea Nymph it’s sort of like we have an open marriage but only for one of us, not because it’s unfair but just because I’m a very sexual person and people have different needs

Sailor turned into a goat: this fuckin guy

The Odyssey is one of the world’s most inspiring and enduring stories of a man voyaging for years powered solely by the indomitable spirit of human will and a deep suspicion that his wife is getting railed by those guys in town

hidden object game npc: it's just unbelievable, it makes me sick to even think of it... the duchess... she was... murdered!

me, clicking everywhere to reveal pieces of armor plating, bricks, sausages, stereos, shurikens, flowers, cigarettes, model trains: oh, wow

I also have advice. Everybody loves reading advice on the computer, so I'll share it: the best thing you can do right now is log off as hard as you can. Go outside, talk to people in real life where it's actually kind of rude to talk about the news, try to actually see the friends you usually just text message. Go for a long drive and turn the phone off while you do it. Get back into your hobbies or pick one and learn it for a while. Watch one of those studio movies that reviews called "wildly miscalculated" and you haven't seen since high school. Play an album you like but find embarrassing. Go to free community events even if they sound stupid. If you take the freeway, try the surface streets. Go to a bad diner and just order some bad coffee because even bad coffee is good coffee. You can't help anybody when you're exhausted and keep posting one million college-educated rewordings of "I would love to be dead right now" on the computer. Walk away from the thing and try out some of those normal things you hear about and if you get bored that's wonderful because we're not supposed to get bored anymore. It turns out boredom is the Cadillac of feelings.

RIP Kaleb Horton
kalebhorton.ghost.io/2025-so-far/

the switch from “I am online because my brain is broken” to “my brain is broken because I am online” explains a lot about the current state of the internet and society at large, none of it complimentary

This is what 450 million years of experiencing life on Earth looks like.

*pointing upward and nodding sagely on Tiktok*

over over and over

"The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity"

PICARD: These “Borg” are a curious blend of organic and machine, a culture so sublimated to its own technology that the line between natural life and technological facsimile is porous and thin.
RIKER: (nude in the holodeck) it’s insane they let us nut in the computer

them: you might be the stupidest cocksucker on earth

me, wearing a 'SECOND STUPIDEST COCKSUCKER ON EARTH' t-shirt: wait, shit, really? you think so? get guinness on the phone, right now

we wonder why these people who have all the money in the world prioritize accumulating more money over anything else, but Trump shows that they don't, not really

the money is a means to control others, and if there is a conflict between the two they will pick control every time

K-State player named Holden Bass

Men posting a picture on a dating app

i for one am glad that no matter what happens with the AI bubble, nvidia will always find time to focus on what they do best: making my room too hot

there's the miyazaki quote about how the problem with anime rn is that the people making it are making it now are making it out of having seen anime, instead of their own life experiences, and i didn't really Get What It Meant until the disney star wars stuff

they've been telling us that they can completely automate McDonald's any time they want and are only still employing people out of generosity, unless you scum upset them, since like 1990

Back in my day we used to have some damn dignity and do this by dating Liara in ME1 and Miranda in ME2 because Liara won’t pick up the damn phone! You’re just working in an office Liara why won’t you email me the computer is right there!

the key to enjoying ur fave media is to interact w fandom as less as possible

honestly "the chatbots are essentially the fae" would probably be better for normies as a mental model

two men are standing next to each other holding guns in a field . ALT: two men are standing next to each other holding guns in a field .

"Bluesky is dying"

Oh yeah? Then explain why this GIF always does numbers.

one of the easiest and worst functions of online culture is to serve you back your own despair

Going to keep saying: a society that wants to keep functioning needs to discourage baldfaced lying, especially by authorities

The bosses all understood this is what voting for Trump was voting for. If youre a worker and you thought it was for cheaper groceries or lower rent or access to burrito taxis or whatever you got conned

This was the actual axis of debate on "is the economy under Biden 'good'" was about. "Is it good or bad when the labor market is right but inflation is moderately elevated?" Maybe you were too stupid to understand that is what the actual stakes were but the bosses werent

Patient, sobbing: But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci!
ChatGPT: Apologies. I didn't realise when recommending Pagliacci's epic show to cure your depression that you were the genius himself. I'm impressed! With regards to your initial question, I can recommend seeing the Great Clown Pagliacci.