Alice Frenchi Rabbit

Marcus the worm lives in a certain chaotic lucid state I only see in people when they’ve taken three types of illicit drugs and have become engaged in a cross dimensional dream RPG. I swear I’ve seen it happen.

The Sasquatch hairdo of Kim Davis has left her and gotten gay married to every hair that’s fallen out of Stephen Miller’s bulb.

a cartoon drawing of a pink duck with a yellow beak on a white background ALT: a cartoon drawing of a pink duck with a yellow beak on a white background

Real commitment is waiting until March of next year to show off your Slowpoke costume.

Oh No, I Just Spermed In The Queen It's 3:00AM

Dear Abby,
What is the appropriate response to my lover if, in bed, they ask me to, “Lay them out flat fast and funky like a freaky bog witch fart.”?.
Signed, Collywobbled in Columbus.

God’s peed?

You mean to tell me there were 4372 other people with the username “SalmonTangerineCabinet” so you signed up as “SalmonTangerineCabinet4373” because you couldn’t think of an original name, but salmon, tangerines, and cabinets mean SO much to you, you just couldn’t let it go? 🧐🤔🤨

Me in my head to every bot:

“This is so crazy but, BeatriJameso_382659264 was my grandmothers name.”

My favorite part about drinking tea is realizing I'm just cleansing my palette for coffee.

A family from the flattest and coldest part of Italy is Zamboni.

gabagool unto others as you would have them gabagool unto you

Read a headline today concerning contaminated meat being a source of urinary tract infections so, I guess no more hamjobs.

My Freddy Mercury is in lemonade so I need to pucker down and porkchop sandwich my gulliver. Toods, 🅰️

a close up of an elderly man 's face with a beard and a smile . ALT: a close up of an elderly man 's face with a beard and a smile .

When you drink water so infrequently that drinking enough of it feels like some gluttonous binge and the positive effects can almost trick you into thinking you’re drunk and invincible… says a friend of mine.

Poop can and can't be fresh, but it's always ripe.

Went to a man of the cloth but he said he repairs souls, not suits.

a cartoon man with a crown on his head is playing a drum set . ALT: a cartoon man with a crown on his head is playing a drum set .

Crowns are pretty useless as a casual item. You don’t wear one hungover to breakfast. It’d have to be a denim or wool.
#KingOfSwing

Now the Louvre has no reason not to exhibit Cindy from third grade’s marker drawing of Blue Trees and Black Muffins!

a man in a black shirt is standing in front of a fire and the words do it ALT: a man in a black shirt is standing in front of a fire and the words do it

A superhero movie about Kidman (6) & Oldman (86), except, they are one person (46) who can only be either at a time.

They fight the eternally ancient future man... Numan (Gary).

If you fall in love after buying mediterranean yogurt at the hat shop in Toronto, it's a greek tuque.

If you fall in love after sharing a hospital room because whilst shooting clay pigeons at a gun range with a small diner you both got food poisoning it's called a skeet puke.

a close up of a cat 's face with a comb on its head . ALT: a close up of a cat 's face with a comb on its head .

If you fall in love over an unpicked pickle at a barbecue it's called a meat cuke.

a cartoon of spongebob and patrick saying `` i don 't care '' ALT: a cartoon of spongebob and patrick saying `` i don 't care ''

I don't have amazon.

It’s like the sixth sense with some honkies; they don’t know that they’re honkies. They’re cursed to roam trying to atone for their transgressions but, they banned trans so now it’s just gressions.

Honky isn’t the best word, buts it’s a funny name for a person/s. #DoctorHonky #CommanderHonky #KingHonky #PontifexHonky #EmperorHonkyTheMerciless #HonkyTheDestroyer #TheProudHonkies #WarriorPrincesOfThemysciraHonky

A mirror would frighten a honky I think. They clearly don’t use mirrors.

a man in a black shirt says it 's art in a cartoon ALT: a man in a black shirt says it 's art in a cartoon

Mix it up this year. Instead of a haunted house have a honky house full of crazy honkies, which is just as scary.

Double your trouble and have two paths running opposite directions so every entrant becomes the scary ass honky exhibit.

We've floor lamps near our heads plugged near the floor where they stand, and then, we child proof the plugs when we could make all the plugs a 20 inches higher and have the lamp wires come out the top.

Best, worst-case scenario is you can read during a flood until the power goes out or you drown.

donald trump is wearing a suit and tie and making a funny face while speaking into a microphone . ALT: donald trump is wearing a suit and tie and making a funny face while speaking into a microphone .

Babies crown,
turds crown,
ergo,
kings are shit babies.