Bill

Patient, sobbing: But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci!
ChatGPT: Apologies. I didn't realise when recommending Pagliacci's epic show to cure your depression that you were the genius himself. I'm impressed! With regards to your initial question, I can recommend seeing the Great Clown Pagliacci.

it's WILD how bad things are right now. Like if you can distance yourself enough to realistically see the whole picture without combusting it's actually hilarious

the only reasonable conclusion is that he played until he was 60 and is now 80

Chris Cuomo posting a deepfake of AOC the same week that Jim Acosta “interviews” a deepfake of a school shooting victim are both harbingers of how traditional media power players will help usher in the worst of the AI slop era

Superman star enlists in ICE as fans say he's 'lost his mind' Dean Cain joined the ranks of ICE as he proudly declared his dedication to deporting undocumented immigrants from the United States.

We found our Bizarro for the sequel!

Chris Cuomo’s brain needs to be studied like they do with CTE’d football players

ICE lifts age requirements for new federal officers: Noem DHS Secretary Kristi Noem announced that at least 80,000 people have applied for 10,000 new ICE officer jobs.

I'm pretty excited for an army of cheeseheaded 55 year old Uncle-Rico-from-Napoleon-Dynamites to apply to become ICE agents

JD Vance and other pedophile protection party officials are holding an emergency meeting tonight over their strategy on the Epstein files.

This cover-up is a disgrace to Epstein’s victims. The American people deserve transparency and accountability.

Release the Epstein files.

Or any of the Birdemics.

The Master and Torgo from MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE. The Master is holding what is supposed to be Torgo’s burning hand

Kinda hate that seeing that the new War of the Worlds movie has 0% on Rotten Tomatoes makes me want to watch it more

I am going to be a massive humorless asshole about woo-woo shit, no matter how seemingly harmless, for the rest of my life due to this. astrology, homeopathic medicine, etc etc it's all bullshit and it's not fucking harmless. there are people who will die due to this who would have otherwise lived.

These goofballs would be legit hilarious if they weren’t destroying the world, ex. one trillion

He’s pretty close, in his own way, I feel like. Globally, like

But also holy hell Jacob puts in a good show. Dunno how you watch him perform without getting just plain giddy

Y’all…we’re back at WolfTrap for Jacob Collier, but opener Sammy Rae and the Friends. SO good, SO much energy

oh look who wants us to consider 14 year olds to be adults hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

My take is that there doesn’t need to be Savannah Bananas ‘discourse’.

Lots of folks love it (including me) & it’s also not for everyone.

But it is for kids, and for that reason it bugs me when people try to yuk this yum. Let wholesome things be wholesome. Please.
We don’t have enough as it is.

It’s hard to watch grandpa’s faculties slip away so completely, especially when he has the nuclear codes

Breaking911 @Breaking911 : REP. MIKE FLOOD, (R-NEB.): "Do you think that people who are 28-years-old, that can work, & refuse to work, should get free healthcare?" TOWN HALL CROWD: "YESSSSSSSSSS!"

lmaooooo this dumb shit just doesn’t fly anymore

Hi this is disgusting

I mean, that's fair. But the Orioles had a really exciting team and excited fan base last year, and if they were winning this year there'd be no real difference from Petco

I do really like that they used a Dilbert tie picture, though

a man in a blue suit and bow tie is laying on a desk next to a red button Alt: HBomberguy citation needed

"winning helps, but it's more than that."

still thinking about the Montana knife maker who said you don't have to worry about tariffs if you buy american. and then three months later, he realized he imports swedish steel and german equipment. and even MiUSA equipment costs $100k more now because of tariffs

At 40 years & 253 days, Justin Turner is the 2nd-oldest player in Cubs history with a walk-off home run, younger than only:

7/2/86 Davey Lopes: 41y, 60d

They’re the only Cubs to do so at 40+

h/t @EliasSports

RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER 1. Get a job. 2. Understand I don't like you. 3. I am everywhere. 4. You hurt her, I hurt you. 5. Be home 30 minutes early. 6. Get a lawyer. 7. If you lie to me, I will find out. 8. She's my princess, not your conquest. 9. I don't mind going back to jail. 10. Whatever you do to her, I will do to you.

I was at Kings Dominion today and saw a dad wearing this shirt. I really wanted to do a blink-twice-if-you-need-help thing with the young couple he was there with

More like baby got back stories

you will be sorry when I'm big yes you will yes you will
you shouldn't push me around 'cause I will yes I will

I mean fuck dude (complimentary and totally cool)