The best Dave you know

"A watched pot boils just as fast as an unwatched pot. Your perception of time is not an objective measurement." - Neil deGrasse Tyson, probably.

I'm a lot like Spider-Man except instead of a spider-sense that warns me of danger I'm really sad most of the time.

They never show what Thomas the Tank Engine looks like on the inside. I bet it's wet in there.

I am violently American in that I am overweight and use the English System of measurements.
I am not Americanly violent in that I don't shoot people or support genocide.

a cartoon character playing a banjo with his mouth open Alt: a cartoon character playing a banjo with his mouth open

You dawg, I heard you like Henson Muppet gifs so I replied with a Henson Muppet Henson Muppet Gifs from Jim Henson's Muppet Show.

The Last Ronin is an amazing TMNT comic series.

Well Mikey is the last Ronin. But I'm not sure if that still means he wins.

I said take this fucking seriously! You have to include possible power ups. COME ON, BETTY!

Another BANGER that could be called, "tOo PrEaChY" but Republicans.

Hey, kind of... No wait, all the way. Fuck you.

A quality joke from a defective bloke

No, you right. 1st impressions are what they are.

I could be 2 things. Well, 3, I do have anxiety.

But both socks and then both shoes.

But what if they bring a fire flower and jump and shoot one of them?

But the movie had a portal wherein a super star could be taken through to NYC.

Who would win in a fight to the death: Nintendo's Mario and Luigi vs. The ninja turtles Leonardo and Michelangelo.

Take this seriously out scroll the fuck on.

FINE

I am living the dream. I can't run fast, I am numb, and nothing makes sense.

Every tv show and movie is a sequel to Jim Henson's "Dinosaurs" unless you're a creationist.

I was raised Catholic so you can say whatever shit you want to about her.

Wait. Was Harambe in the files?

Another name for Egyptologists is "Sphinxters."

Did you ever take a gummy to fall asleep and accidentally start reading random 3pst31n files? I do not recommend.

Also, don't look up who invented the block chain or came up with the idea of microtransactions.

Sometimes I feel like a nut.
Sometimes I don't.
Sometimes I feel like the US is attacking middle eastern countries to steal their oil and distract from the files.

Oh no, is the Internet hippo in the files!?

Same. lolol

Remember that lol means "laughing out loud" and lolol means "laughing out loud only lonely."