I Ate Oklahoma

José Andrés Has a Genius Method for Making a Microwave Omelet — With 1 Secret Ingredient José Andrés swears his most foolproof dish isn’t some elaborate tasting-menu showpiece — it’s a simple omelet made in the microwave. The celebrated restaurateur calls it the fluffiest omelet ever, and...

Nothing is foolproof, but this thing is about as close as it gets.
Signed,
a fool

www.foodandwine.com/how-jose-and...

Apropos of nothing, I tried that Jose Andres microwave omelet this morning and it's so stupidly perfect that it's going to change my entire breakfast sandwich game going forward.

Miller strikes me as a guy who, at the first whiff of a consequence, will pull an Adolph in the bunker.

Not a disqualifier, but *if* someone wants to represent me in Congress without an education, I'd like some proof that they're not a lead paint sommelier like Markwayne.

Only U.S. Senator who never went to college. (And one of a handful who can't spell "college.")

"The people at the place I've never visited but only heard about are like THIS!" - Twitter on Bluesky

"I left that place I used to love after a decade because it is now owned, run by, and full of Nazis." - Bluesky on Twitter

This sounds like a high school theater group's performance of "Now You See Me."

I'm afraid to say, but if we hope to unseat him, we're going to need a candidate with, MINIMUM, three names smushed together.

Dannydaleduncan
Theodorethomasthaylor
Andyadamalfred

And it's not like Derpadorp doesn't have competition! Ryan Walters! FrankenStitt! Banana surgery enthusiast Charles McCall!

But Markwayne wakes up every day, shits his pants, and gets to work making America worse. *That's* dedication to being dumb and evil.

Sen. Markwayne Derpadorp (R-U Kidding) as head of DHS?
- Dude can't spell DHS.
- He barely graduated from HS.
- It's common knowledge he has no D.

Your 75th anniversary party is probably the best opportunity to drop a "Me love you long time" into conversation.

"Today would be an amazing day to stay in bed and cry."

- me every day

A bunch of lazy clocks in Dali's "The Persistence of Memory"

DAD: What are you guys doing for your anniversary?
ME:

Counterpoint: She is both.

I've rewatched "The Eminence in Shadow," "Tsukimichi," "The 8th Son, Are You Kidding Me?" and "My Next Life as a Villainess" more times than I can count at this point.

But ditto for "Monthly Girls' Nozaki-kun," "Tanaka-kun is Always Listless," and "We Never Learn."

I'm down to about three shows this season and only one is isekai (and based on a book series I enjoy). Personally, I long for the days of the slice-of-life boom, but I'm sure that gets old when there's too much of it, too.

That said, I have plenty of isekai shows I return to frequently.

The idea that anyone on Earth think Markwayne Derpadorp is an accurate representation of Oklahoma makes my skin crawl.

I know they are beloved by some, but I have never enjoyed a Cadbury Creme Egg and I'm done trying. I leave them to others who will treasure them in my stead.

My Personal Hierarchy of Easter Candies
1. Non-hollow chocolate rabbit (ideally dark chocolate)
2. Stale Peeps (fresh Peeps are an abomination)
3. Chocolate Robins Eggs
4. Black licorice jelly beans (I know, but shut up)
5. Assorted old people candies

Just checking in to make sure everything is still stupid.

Mark Zuckerberg presenting his Pervert Glasses for perverts

I'm not sure about this branding but I'm not the billionaire business genius

I'm calling it here:
Whiskey Pete cries when he reads internet comments about himself.

A ceramic porch goose, which is a thing, I guess.

My wife Blair Witched the porch goose.

Trump reminds me of "The Picture of Dorian Gray," except he was too dumb to strike the deal with the devil correctly, so both he and his picture look like shit.

Now it makes sense why Trump has his panties in a twist about Spain.

If anything, it seems like there's a real dearth of horniness in younger generations. I say "seems" because I'm sure as hell not having any conversations about horniness with the youths.

"Jesus, I seen what we done to other countries and I want the same for the U.S."

Alternate plan: We leave a bunch of those silicate packets that come with new shoes in the breakroom with a sign clearly stating that they are not for human consumption.

Look, I've got a plan. We leave a lot of dry cleaning bags around Markwayne Derpadorp's office, his house, the shoe store where he buys his lifts.

He'll solve the problem himself.

Welp, I'm all social media-ed out by 9 a.m.