The Fishpants

who was the first telegraph shitposter. what was it. stuff like "bloop bloop my good man she S on my OS until i MayDay stop"

Coffee isn't enough I stare directly at the sun for 30 seconds

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn, Charlie Brown

They should make statues of regular people. Like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff

Actually, Mr. Potato Head was the name of the inventor

Steak ’N Shake Employee Screams After Nude RFK Jr. Climbs Out Of Beef Tallow Fryer SOUTH BEND, IN—Expressing horror at the sight of the health secretary’s bare torso emerging from the vat of grease, a local Steak ’n Shake employee reportedly screamed Friday after a nude Robert F. Ke...

Steak ’N Shake Employee Screams After Nude RFK Jr. Climbs Out Of Beef Tallow Fryer

My wife is all pissed because I reported her to PETA for beating a dead horse.

I’m reading a book about drilling deep vertical holes. It’s boring

**Snorting lines of hot chocolate and sharpening candy canes to prepare for the war on Christmas.

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I'm reading a book about plumbing but I just can't see where it's going

dreamt about nanobots that fell in love, replicated, and covered the earth in grey goo until life was extinguished. why am i like this

if you have pedialyte in your cart along with alcohol that should count as your ID

Monochrome abstract background featuring large, bright white circular bokeh lights against a dark, blurry background.

Abstract evening in the rain...

[making phone call]

me: hello yes, i have a structured settlement-

jg wentworth: ok

me: and it’s working out great

jg wentworth: (venomous) you son of a bitch

So sorry for your loss. She must have been amazing.

Hey homie can I offer you an assortment of leftover Taco Bell hotsauce packets as an hors d'oeuvres?

Looking forward to checking out Stalks next 👍

The Cemetery Spot: A Chilling Psychological Thriller April and August. Two sisters with a deadly secret. And a lie that binds them tighter than blood. One night, they make a decision that changes everything. A man is dead. Their fingerprints are everyw...

Hey #booksky if you like a hide-the-body thriller that keeps it moving with ratcheting tension and plot twists, may I suggest The Cemetery Spot by @jennamoquin.bsky.social

The reveal of the dark secret from the past gave me legit goosebumps.
www.amazon.com/Cemetery-Spo...

Taunting my enemies by making a sandwich where 1 bread is at a 90° angle to the other bread

The Devil whispered in my ear, “You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.” Instant boner.

don’t even talk to me until i’ve had my night potato

Watching "The Witcher: Sirens of the Deep" with my son: Shouting "Fishfucker!" at random intervals is wonderful, "Chekhov's Rifle" is now "Chekhov's Asshole" and is threatening to mutate into other body parts. This is real parenting.

Growing up in a time when “selling out” was the most shameful thing you could do and then being forced to live through the 2020s feels like being kicked in the head by a horse every day

This goes for pretty much every creature except cops to be fair

no no the toymaker is geppetto pinocchio is geppetto’s monster

I always get so fucken depressed in the weeks leading up to my birthday. I know this is a known phenomenon but heres the thing: it fucking sucks. Im trying to live my life but the sickly blanket of malaise weighs heavy on my shoulders. My soul smells like rotting leaves

The itsy bitsy spider’s name is Sisyphus. Not many people know this.

In testing backyard wooden structures it’s important to have two groups. One gets an authentic, decorative round wooden shelter and the other gets a gacebo

In clown testing, it's important to have two treatment groups. One gets a genuine clown, and the other gets a placebozo.