Festive Fanny

I know it's not Xmas yet, but wanted to abuse my account to share a new project.

Folk 'n' Hell is the campfire you shouldn’t have wandered up to: Three unapologetic cinegoblins unearth folk horror delights from around the world and try to agree if they're worth our (and your) time

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Add 2oz flour to 1 ½ oz dripping and mix to form a dough. Add sherry and stir until blended then add 2 tbsp cooking sherry, beating all the time. Season then fold in 1/2lb chicken. Take a large vol-au-vent case, remove the lid and position to resemble an upright toilet seat. Slop the meaty slurry into the case for a dish reminiscent of that morning’s ablutions.

Add 2oz flour to 1 ½ oz dripping and mix to form a dough. Add sherry and stir until blended then add 2 tbsp cooking sherry, beating all the time. Season then fold in 1/2lb chicken.

Sever the pigeons' wingtips, lay them in a casserole dish, and cover with dark stock. Roast at 180°C for 35 minutes, then let cool. Carve the breasts, leaving the wings attached. Coat with chaudfroid sauce, creating a chilling, macabre dish fit for a grim feast.

Sever the pigeons' wingtips, lay them in a casserole dish, and cover with dark stock. Roast at 180°C for 35 minutes, then let cool. Carve the breasts, leaving the wings attached. Coat with chaudfroid sauce, creating a chilling, macabre dish fit for a grim feast.

Bake 6 potatoes in their jackets, then cut away the lids and scoop out the interiors. Mash the removed potato with a fork and fold in 1 tin of corned beef hash. Pack the mixture back into the potato cases, cover and return to the oven at 140 degrees. While the potatoes finish in the oven, poach 6 eggs. When the potatoes come out of the oven, add a poached egg to each and serve with the question “So, have you seen Alien?”

Bake 6 potatoes in their jackets, then cut away the lids and scoop out the interiors. Mash the removed potato with a fork and fold in 1 tin of corned beef hash. Pack the mixture back into the potato cases, cover and return to the oven at 140 degrees.

Add a poached egg to each finished potato

Submerge gammon overnight. Boil it with chickpeas in 5.5 pints of water, then bake at 180°C for 30 mins. Fry leeks, carrots, cabbage, garlic, turnip, and onion in pork fat. Add to the dish and bake 30 mins more. Serve with the vegetables. Apologize for the dark forces

Submerge gammon overnight. Boil it with chickpeas in 5.5 pints of water, then bake at 180°C for 30 mins. Fry leeks, carrots, cabbage, garlic, turnip, and onion in pork fat. Add to the dish and bake 30 mins more. Serve with the vegetables. Apologize for the dark forces

Roast Pheasant with Onion Sauce Stuff a pheasant with musrooms, pancetta and roast. Remove all skin ane place in a deep dish. While the bird is roasting, poach shallots until tender in ½ pint milk. Remove the musrooms from the bird and add to the poaching milk, with a little flour to form a sauce. Pour the sauce over the bird and garnish with more onions and shallots Serve challengingly

Roast a pheasant stuffed with mushrooms and pancetta, then skin it and place in a deep dish. Poach shallots in milk, add the mushrooms, and thicken with flour to make a sauce. Pour over the pheasant and garnish with onions and shallots. Serve challengingly

Scrub 1 quart of mussels, steam until they open, then chop and mix with a pint of mayonnaise, single cream, parsley, chopped gherkin, and capers. Dissolve gelatine, strain over, and chill to set. Unmould the dish and promptly consign it to a 50-litre kitchen bin.

Scrub 1 quart of mussels, steam until they open, then chop and mix with a pint of mayonnaise, single cream, parsley, chopped gherkin, and capers. Dissolve gelatine, strain over, and chill to set. Unmould the dish and promptly consign it to a 50-litre kitchen bin.

Create a hauntingly elegant green grape jelly. Press ¾ lb grapes for juice, mix with sauternes, lemon juice, water, and dissolved gelatin. Sweeten, pour halfway into a mould, and set. Add 12 grapes around the edge, cover with the remaining mix, and chill.

Create a hauntingly elegant green grape jelly. Press ¾ lb grapes for juice, mix with sauternes, lemon juice, water, and dissolved gelatin. Sweeten, pour halfway into a mould, and set. Add 12 grapes around the edge, cover with the remaining mix, and chill.

Butter a mould for this haunting soufflé. Blend 3 oz sugar, 3 oz ground almonds, grated lemon zest, and 10 oz cream cheese. Whip 5 fl oz egg whites to peaks and fold in. Bake at 160°C for 30 minutes. Unmould onto a Swiss roll base, decorate with sponge fingers, and dust with icing sugar.

Butter a mould for this haunting soufflé. Blend 3 oz sugar, 3 oz ground almonds, grated lemon zest, and 10 oz cream cheese. Whip 5 fl oz egg whites to peaks and fold in. Bake at 160°C for 30 minutes. Unmould onto a Swiss roll base, decorate with sponge fingers, and dust with icing sugar.

Score the ham’s fat with V-shapes, placing black olives in the cuts. At the fat's edge, add pimentos and green olives. Drip aspic to seal them, then adorn with radishes and tomatoes stuffed with vegetables and topped with mayonnaise. Present the lavishly adorned ham with unapologetic gaudiness.

Stuffed glazed ham
Score the ham with V-shapes, placing black olives in the cuts. Add pimentos and green olives. Drip aspic to seal them, then adorn with radishes and tomatoes stuffed with vegetables and topped with mayonnaise. Present the lavishly adorned ham with unapologetic gaudiness.

Chaudfroid Chicken: Halve roasted chicken breasts. Make a roux with butter, flour, chicken stock, brandy, cream, and softened gelatin. Whisk until thick. Pour sauce over chicken, covering completely, and chill until set. A rich, glossy, and elegant French dish awaits—bonne chance!

Chaudfroid Chicken: Halve roasted chicken breasts. Make a roux with butter, flour, chicken stock, brandy, cream, and softened gelatin. Whisk until thick. Pour sauce over chicken, covering completely, and chill until set. A rich, glossy, and elegant French dish awaits—bonne chance!

A simple dessert of sinister artistry. Take several flavours of ice cream, layered meticulously within towering moulds. Between the strata, scatter candied fruits and toasted nuts.

A simple dessert of sinister artistry. Take several flavours of ice cream, layered meticulously within towering moulds. Between the strata, scatter candied fruits and toasted nuts.

Combine shredded lettuce, cooked rice, and fried sausagemeat, bacon, and liver. Mix with leeks, seasoning, and a beaten egg. Boil a cabbage, peel its leaves, and fill them with the mixture. Reassemble into a ball and serve this eerie, aromatic dish, transformed by a touch of dark culinary magic.

Combine shredded lettuce, cooked rice, and fried sausagemeat, bacon, and liver. Mix with leeks, seasoning, and a beaten egg. Boil a cabbage, peel its leaves, and fill them with the mixture. Reassemble into a ball and serve

Cthulunapés.

The more terror, the better the terrine

I thought the front row were extracted molars.

For the full horror of Festive Fanny cooking instructions, follow me on Facebook

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“Please sir, can I have some less?”

Nah

Whisk egg yolks with milk and seasoning, thicken in a bain-marie, and dissolve gelatine in water. Blend yolks with minced chicken or rabbit and cream, then fold in whipped egg whites and gelatine. Pour into a mould, let it set, and serve this eerie creation with dark intent.

Whisk egg yolks with milk and seasoning, thicken in a bain-marie, and dissolve gelatine in water. Blend yolks with minced chicken or rabbit and cream, then fold in whipped egg whites and gelatine. Pour into a mould, let it set, and serve with dark intent.

It's the cold mashed potatoes which upset me most

It looks like you could wear it

That's very kind of you, considering that I'm attempting to burn your eyes out with 70s gastronomic excess every day ;-)

A dish inspired by Dante's circles of hell: an outer ring of chives and parsley, a second of capers, a third of minced onion, and anchovies marking the inner cordon. At the center, place cold mashed potatoes crowned with raw egg yolks.

A dish inspired by Dante's circles of hell: an outer ring of chives and parsley, a second of capers, a third of minced onion, and anchovies marking the inner cordon. At the center, place cold mashed potatoes crowned with raw egg yolks.

Santanic eggs (like devilled eggs but Christmassier)

Boil six eggs until firm, cool, and peel. Halve them, scoop yolks into a bowl, and mix with mayo, mustard, vinegar, and seasoning until smooth. Fill the whites with this mixture, creating a spiced version of their former vitality

Boil six eggs until firm, cool, and peel. Halve them, scoop yolks into a bowl, and mix with mayo, mustard, vinegar, and seasoning until smooth. Fill the whites with this mixture, creating a spiced parody of their former vitality.

It certainly looks... hefty

A Yuletide boob of breasts. Tuck in.

that's protein!

Strip pheasant breasts from their skeletal confines and set aside with the remaining flesh and livers. Brown the breasts in butter, add stock and port, and poach until tender. Mince the rest, mix with jus, veal, shallots, garlic, brandy, and cream. Steam until bland. Serve apologetically

Strip pheasant breasts from their skeletal confines and set aside with the remaining flesh and livers. Brown the breasts in butter, add stock and port, and poach until tender. Mince the rest, mix with jus, veal, shallots, garlic, brandy, and cream. Steam until bland. Serve apologetically