alyokoru

I'd call it useless busywork if I didn't literally have other shit to do!! They are just pulling me away from the important stuff I'm supposed to be doing for no reason!!

I'm not sure why my work loves to waste my fucking time. They halfheartedly threw me on some spreadsheet improvement committee because I get jobs in spreadsheet format sometimes, and now they are wanting me to fill out spreadsheets that have ZERO to do with my job to help "improve" them

I feel like all my confidence in my art is so fragile and precarious atm I have to shut myself out socially to preserve the public illusion of confidence sometimes

My feelings of "it's so over / we're so back" towards my own art lately have been crazy, I've basically been brute forcing a "your art is good and worth paying for" attitude to keep myself sane but every once in a while I get the little voice like "ok but we all know ur faking and u sound stuck up"

That falling out my husband had with his friend has really negatively affected his motivation to write and I just think that's a fucking shame...I hate whenever anyone discourages someone else from making art. It's really hard for me not to resent that friend even more for this

Woke up and the imposter syndrome is really bad today. So bad I think. Holy shit very bad thoughts in the brain today

Me when I'm posting blatant mpreg fetish art: :)

Me when I'm posting like "look at this merch I made, please buy it": OH GOD, CRINGE!!!

Restaurant forgot to give us a waiter. We finally get one and they bring me my water and it tastes fucking sour. They bring my husband his food and like 15 minutes later I still don't have mine. I haven't been able to switch my water out for a different drink either.

🙃 I'm very grumpy now lol

One day I hope I'll be able to market art stuff I made without feeling like an annoying little asshole every time I do it lol

I really haven't been in the best place some days. I'm sorry if I haven't been around as much. I feel like I haven't been on my Discord servers as much cuz of this stuff and I feel so bad about it

I think it doesn't help that we have a track record of awful stuff happening to us around this time of year and I guess I'm hoping that legal case is the thing that happens this year and nothing else bad falls into our laps...

Every time my husband calls me in the evening I have an awful fear that he got into a car accident again. It's like this asshole opening a legal case about it has reopened that wound in my brain

Honestly, getting served those legal papers a few weeks ago kind of broke me mentally, even though it's being handled by our car insurance now so it's theoretically taken care of. I feel like every day I have an awful anxious pit in my stomach expecting another possibly life ruining thing to happen

You have basically already admitted that it is worse for posting art by the simple fact that you feel you have to pay money to Elo/n Mu/sk to get your art seen

I will not be accepting opinions on which site is "best for posting art" from anyone who willingly pays money for Twitter sorry

That day I was disappointed about the Ci/el nos/urge fan patch folding to them and changing the pronouns to male was one of the worst days. Some of the most disgusting people on earth in my replies

It really is so refreshing to be able to yap about whatever I want over here and not have to worry about Nazis descending upon me at all times

Feeling kinda mentally fucking bad, 100% cuz I'm starting my period this weekend lol but doesn't change that I'm in an awful fucking mood!!

Should probably log off

Not that I've ever been particularly quiet I suppose...

I 100% mean it when I say this is cursed though the yaoi account is not supposed to have more followers. I'm supposed to be on the DL here

This makes me the authority. The yaoi is real

The fact that I have more followers than Falc/om over here is really cursed LOL

Truly one of the brain contradictions of all time

I'll see someone say something like "they're my favorite artist!" and internally I'm like oh...I wish I was someone's favorite artist...I'm prob not though...and then when someone literally tells me "you're my favorite artist" I'm like What, ME? Have you seen all the other artists out there?? Lmfao

You know, I don't regret speaking up about the current fandom situation on Twitter or anything but the fact that me commenting on "drama" got more likes than any of my text posts there have in ages...that site and its algorithm really not escaping the allegations 😭

Tech-related things I have already banned myself from posting about because men have ruined it:
1) L1n/ux (double censoring it because that's how bad it is lol)
2) anything to do with buil/ding a PC

I'm probably gonna log off until my stream cuz I can tell I'm getting way too pissy over something dumb but just thinking maybe I'll avoid posting about any sort of tech stuff in the future because this isn't the first time this has happened and I'm kinda tired of it

I got slightly bitchy about it on main cuz it was pissing me off oops 😭 Well I hope that discourages it at least

When men start mansplaining basic tech shit in my replies I've decided I'm going to start going "um ackshually" right back at them

Maybe they'll finally realize they're doing it. Probably not

And not that I don't get angry and pissy over here on this account, I certainly do lol

But idk...I noticed I'm actually using this account a lot less than I used to use my Twitter priv. I'd just see stuff that pissed me off so much more often over there since it'd be shoved in my face by an algo