Lancifer

Why buy the horse when you can get him to pull your cart for free?

It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hos again.

I just heard Siouxie and the Banshees doing Kiss Them for Me over the PA as muzak in Walmart.

Some guys at work were shit-talking each other. "He's like foreskin," one said to me. "I don't have much experience with that, so like he's useless or..?" I said. "When shit gets hard, he disappears!"

Sith Lords wasn't that bad.

What, no umbrella?

When it comes to success on sites like Tinder and Bumble, I am unmatched.

There was a narrowly known fact that he was in fact a hardened former marine with sleeves. When the information age matured, we were all glad to hear this urban legend was indeed factual.

HIGHLIGHTER AND SHARPIE PARTY Soft boiled bad attitude

This one in particular comes to mind fairly often. Mind you, this shit is creeping up on old enough to sign up for the military (and therefore to drink). But anyway, it pops up in my mind often, even when I'm not hungover.

notalkingplz.tumblr.com/post/4278076...

First of all, holy shit. That post got me to exactly zero remaining characters left available. Second of all, I cannot textually impose upon you how much of a bad, bad motherfucker this guy was with index cards, highlighters, and sharpies. And pessimism bordering on fatalism. That's my favorite.

I don't even know if this guy is still alive (and would sort of be surprised if he was, as there are signs), but his art speaks to me in a way that speaks to my character. Except the feet/heels pieces. This is a judgement-free zone, but I'm talking about the other stuff.

www.tumblr.com/notalkingplz

I do remember doing a short bit that was supposed to be, "we gon' dig in that ass," because A Low Down Dirty Shame had come out a few years ago and a friend of mine kept saying it. He wasn't there, had to fight for his diploma after skipping the graduation ceremony. Wouldn't catch him dead at prom.

I went to my senior prom as a mime. No mimery, just normal behavior, including speech. Door gal asked me if I was there to work the event (Southfork Ranch, believe it or not). Nobody, and I guess that sort of includes myself, knew what to think of it. Photographer loved it, though.

May it spread like a virus.

Incoming pedantry:

Do not hope to sell me a home version escape room subscription, telling me it's bi-monthly, and then proceed to tell me that means it comes every other month.

That's just a small part of carcinisation, where everything inevitably evolves into crabs.

I guess that means you gotta skip the fight scene about who's bad and who's goody-two-shoes.

That guy is hilarious in all the YouTube Poops where they chop up his dialogue. He would also be hilarious on fire, but maybe that's just me.

Spanx won't do a whole lot to keep your gut flat, but it does keep the junk from showing so much through a slinky dress.

I did have a little trouble visualizing it without making it look... is it still ridiculous if it's also horrific?

It's a low-quality fact that crows' tails look like home plate, so these must be ravens.

Cucuidado.

If I can't also catch fire, I'm not interested.

🎶We're all creatures of comfort,
Our bodies betray our wills🎶

Monster Magnet, "Queen of You"

Not even for unibombing?

Quarter panel of a Kawasaki Mule ATV where the mud has been cleaned only from the DIE in DIESEL.

YouTube video by SiouxsieBansheesVEVO Siouxsie And The Banshees - Face To Face (Official Music Video)

Here, have a Christmas song:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpaq...

I haven't worn women's clothing in forever. Now I'm just a vestite.

Batman Returns was a Hanukkah movie..?