Carli J

"He wasn't actually arrested for--" WE KNOW. THEY ARE NEVER ARRESTED FOR SEX CRIMES. Society dngaf about protecting women, and women know that. We're just happy he was arrested at all

Stephen King’s The Shining, If the Hotel Had Possessed Wendy Instead of Jack Wendy lit the stove to heat a pot of tomato soup. She turned to grab a wooden spoon and gasped. Two little girls in smocked dresses stood in the do...

In @mcsweeneys.net today riffing on one of the bests by one of the bests
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ste...

Hernia fixed. Day two of op recovery is brutal though, especially since I overdid everything yesterday 🫣

The fact there are not more famous pop stars with power and platforms doing what Dua Lipa, Massive Attack, Lore and others are doing in calling out Israel's genocide is disturbing. Like what's up Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran, etc.? You who earn more than countries are ... what? Afraid? Of what? You suck

I'll take everything except the raisins and possible covid 😬

Nope, you gotta give the time you need to start getting ready as your cut-off 😕

I had one big social interaction this morning and I still feel like crawling out of my skin from delayed social anxiety

Winnie like it.....?

Let’s do this, my serotonin levels are in the gutter and the crime rate in my house has stagnated, my body is ready

Random flashback to the time someone said they got me a birthday gift from my favourite indie clothing & jewellery store. It was clothes hangers. A set of 3 (albeit fancy beaded) clothes hangers. My expectations have been subterranean ever since.

I'm not a vampire I just turn into a lobster in direct sunlight

AI things no one wants:

- Small summary of incorrect nonsense on all my searches

AI things everyone wants:

- Stop showing posts about politics
- Swap nasally voice reading my audiobook for soothing old man
- Replace Chris Pratt in this film with anyone else
- How to remove AI from this app

There are certain unforgivable crimes, that your soul never comes back from, that after you've gone through with them you don't ever get to ask for a second chance. Nazism is one of them. This is a lesson that took way too much blood for us to now sort of casually forget.

Oh god why did I post on Threads, now ive got a bunch of randos commenting 🫠 I don't post to be perceived 🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣

✊🐸

I just realised I have a hernia due to my pregnancy from seven effing years ago 😫

It’s a snores d’oeuvres or a snooze-bouche

I don’t know much but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero

Controversial opinion: kidnapping and imprisoning children is wrong and doesn't become "legal" because you wear a (fake) badge.

“WEIRD AL” YANKOVIC

In Discworld, cities thrive because they welcome dwarfs, trolls, vampires, and humans alike. Ankh-Morpork works because everyone belongs. Funny how fiction can seem more humane than policy sometimes.

Same.

#AlsoTiredOfWaitingForTheEPSTEIN_Files

Our immediate neighbourhood has a pretty decent trick-or-treat and decorations setup, so we do that with the kid. And then we'll probably watch something like ParaNorman while eating candy (it's all about the small person here)

Feel like everyone disappointed in Bill Burr missed all his weirdly misogynistic undertones over the years, but glad to see there's a ceiling on accepting him

A meteor could do the funniest thing.....

You got player housing, hurrah!

The body keeps the score. Specifically the knees.

*uploading your consciousness to a computer* well there you go, you're immortal. also check this out, I can change your language settings. yeah, you're just a bunch of code approximating someone who already died, oops I changed all your memories, now I made you excel, death would have been better