bobby

i know. it was the first and last time that happened

i briefly met meredith marks in ptown, and wherever she actually was in that moment it seemed like she was enjoying herself

unapologetically snatched the remnants off my plate while i was in the bathroom (he later apologized)

would not recommend doing anything that requires moderate coordination

not everyone has what it takes to make it work. the blowback can be life-altering. but if you’ve got the juice? yeah kinda

separate issues but i think i support that as well

idk my husband and i made it about that long before our first fight (it was over mac and cheese)

gotta give a shoutout to the medically unrecommended combo of whiskey and xanax for twenty years of making damn near anything endurable

i welcome their hatred

commercial flights should offer free drinks gate-to-gate for sitting near a child that isn’t yours

unhinged choice imo but it’s not eggs

i would eat that every morning

describing breakfast to an american is just “imagine a burger with a fried egg” and tens of millions of people eat it regularly

america is falling behind because our people cannot conceive of a breakfast that isn’t mostly eggs

love making new enemies out of airports. jfk terminal 8, your time in the barrel will come soon enough

“NYC Transit employees can release gates immediately” like the ones in those empty booths?

MTA’s built-in delay for emergency exit doors aims to curb fare evasion Under the new system, pushing the handle from inside triggers an alarm that sounds for 15 seconds before the door unlocks.

[getting crushed to death by a panicked crowd pressing me against the door as the subway burns] but if the exit opened immediately, people could evade the fare

a set of six rather delicate cocktail glasses that let the drink go down into the stem, inherited from a grandmother who didn’t drink

we’ve come a long way from the shitty GE “hood” that just spits oily air all over the cabinets

falling in love with my oven hood. you could smoke a cigarette in the kitchen and the people in the next room would never know. it’s perfect.

tracy jordan on 30 rock saying “To sit in darkness in a sharp, shock shop in darkness in sitting in sharp.”

me: i can’t write a book

a published author: we came from fire and return to fire, that we move forward only because we have learned to tame some fires, that here at least untamed fire is the greatest present threat to life,

love my hometown but this is the very first time i have heard anyone say that dc drivers are normal

the timeless macbook experience of wanting to play a game that is windows-only

there are dozens of us

julia louis dreyfus on veep laughing nervously and saying “what the fuck”

quickly went from “that’s nice, they’re providing a real community service” to

a guy with a wagon of food for the homeless got on the subway and did the well rehearsed is-anyone-hungry speech. but then he started going off about how — “if you want,” he said — he’s also the president, and the messiah. me and a couple strangers just stared at each other trying not to laugh

they say that it’s supposed to help analyze your gut health, which i’m sure a lot of people have said over the years

he’s a mess. top to bottom, inside out