snargleplax

I understand what you're saying, but what if this time when I scratch the mosquito bite something good happens

Why is it that literally all I know about this person is multiple catchphrases

You may laugh at my stovepipe hat but it is simply the most efficient means of transport for m’travelling pancakes.

*hits the nail on the haystack*

That's what I'd tell people too

Three gray kittens and one orange kitten on a blanket in a little tent on a porch

Omg you guys, the mama cat I’ve been trying to catch brought her kittens to me in a tent I put outside for her 🥹❤️

Also seen in off-putting pet names for one's lover

I used to do a sex education class in a women's halfway house. We would do an exercise where we would list as many goofy names for genitals as we could. I must have heard at least 1000 words for vagina, and there is just one that still amazes me- 20 years later:

Fish mitten.

Hey, I wasn't finished; you caught me mid-riff

*Answers call during work day: “ listen don’t call me during the day I’m working and can’t take calls”
*Answers call after work day: “listen, I just got off work. This is my personal time. Don’t call me during my personal time.”

em-dash

Amazing how much a romcom smells like an exploded toilet

She 9 on my 11 til I never forget

Yeah what if there was a fire or cat food emergency

sighing over and over in morose code

Clippy's best "I'm shtupping your spouse btw" facial expression

Gotta watch out for those high pressure sales tactics

In the freezer; I'm making a whimsicle

How many of your current home furnishings were found on the street? I think I'm at 3 or 4.

Well, "supposed to" is a tricky thing in language. Probably not helpful to say that anyone who tells someone it's *wrong* to use "till" is themselves misinformed.

Language being defined more by usage than by etymology, though, surely "til" is also acceptable. Either one seems clear to me.

love you too drojo, just not quite as much

If you're hoping this will go somewhere, don't hold your breath

Their shit is such pure hard rock, keeping the spirit alive

murder for thee but not for me

That's what's great about it

the cherry on top that broke the camel's back

(looking up dubiously at Peter Falk)

Is this a kissing skeet?

crows think it's normal to get away with murder

i have a friend who breeds ant twins as a hobby. i call him double ant andre

When flat-earther armadillos feel threatened they roll up in a cube.