ShampinePapi

sad im going to get old in a world without malls to walk in

I used to love Mitch. I still love him. But I used to too.

Told me never to get in the car with strangers.

Uber.

Told me to never copy paste code into console from the internet.

Chatgpt.

Everyone thinks it’s 20,000 fathoms under the sea.

i swallowed a quarter. thought it was a good investment in myself. really went to shit.

They salt the roads in winter to enhance the flavor.

Venus fly traps. Just misunderstood plants that like to hug.

they used to let us climb a rope to the gym ceiling with a itty bitty you go squishy blue mat beneath

a fun family game we like to play around the holidays is politician or retirement home escapee

i put my pants on like everyone else, ass first

Crypto bros be like crypto > usd .. then you ask em what their btc is worth and they are like $100k usd …….

There’s no way its been like 1.5 years since my last skeet? Whats a tweet called on here.

I just need my drafts imported and I’m ready to go.

Jesus was like never cross me or else.

They took him literally.

So in the Fast & Furious Universe who sang “I Got Hoes”? Was it Tej? Was it Ludacris? And if not, what happened to the Hoes? Who got them now? Are the Hoes okay?

When Paul Walker goes to Vin Diesel’s house party in The Fast and Furious they’re playing “I Got Hoes” by Ludacris on the stereo. But in 2 Fast 2 Furious Ludacris appears as street racer Tej Parker.

When your dog gets sick at 4am and jackson pollocks your house and couch in vomit.

Probably writing bad jokes and cold takes. So. I guess I can get started.

A lighter gets lighter each time you use it until its so light it won’t light.

I have no idea what I’m doing here.

Are all goats the goat? Like how can a goat be the greatest if all goats are goats.

I have no idea what I’m doing here.

Why don’t food delivery services charge a tip thats based on restaurant difficulty and distance? Would make so much more sense than asking for 29% by default.