Low Quality Facts

I've read them all.

Before engagement rings were invented, a man would propose to a woman by tying a banana peel around her wrist.

Those were simpler times.

This is a great shirt to wear if you're trying to give someone an aneurism.

A heather grey t-shirt featuring a picture of a trout and a humorous, scrambled version of the "Give a man a fish" proverb that reads: "BUY A MAN EAT FISH, HE DAY, TEACH FISH MAN TO A LIFETIME."

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this very motivational Fish Shirt. Words to live by.
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Goldfish can grow up to 36 feet long, but they will only be 1-2 inches when kept in a fish bowl.

Nature is crazy.

It was a rough year for Wendy's.

On an unrelated note, if you give me your address I will send you a present.

China's social credit system keeps track of citizen's who chew with their mouth open and prevents them from opening a bank account.

That's fair.

Please never say this.

Some people even fail successfully until they are president, and continue to do nothing but fail every single day.

A rectangular enamel pin styled like a vintage gray computer error window with text reading 'Task failed successfully'.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Task Failed Successfully pin. Happy Monday and good luck fumbling your way through the work day. We're all failing at things, some people just fail more successfully than others.
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The Big Bang Theory hypothesizes that the universe was created when God had sex with a black hole.

Astronomy is so fascinating.

I am asking my fan base to please stop harassing Bradley Cooper for bumping into me, spilling mustard on my new sweater. Yes, Bradley should have been more careful and shouldn't have covered his hot dog in a mountain of mustard, but it was an accident. Please stop calling him Bradley bin Laden.

Pirate: Time to walk the plank. 2 Me: sure, where's his leash haha 3 Pirate: lol good one you're first mate now

We made a comic about pirates.

Charles Darwin punted each animal he discovered, and kept a detailed journal of how far he could kick each species.

Dick move.

Is it racist to assume that all yetis are white? Yes. Yes it is.

A round, fluffy black plush monster with two small pink horns, a tiny stitched smile, and wide white eyes, sitting on a black and white patterned surface.

I am terribly sorry to interrupt your doomscrolling, but tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Black Yeti Plush. Look how cute he is. Every yeti is actually black, but most people think they are white because they're always covered in snow.
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Lines in Bitcoin's code suggest that the cryptocurrency is programmed to delete itself on April 11 2025.

Extremely disappointing that this one didn't pan out.

Breaking News: Trump mourns the deaths of 3 US soldiers after advisers explain to him how many Big Macs could have been purchased with the money that will be used to pay for their funerals.

My cats Ruby (cute grey and white kitten with green eyes) and Fishy (big tuxedo cat) lying on a blanket staring at the camera. Fishy has his tongue out a bit, a classic blep.

Why give Twitter $11 a month when you could spend only $1 to support my jokes about how hilariously incompetent Elon Musk? Also, I post pictures of my cats. Elon Musk doesn't post pictures of cats. If anything, Elon kicks cats. I bet it makes him feel like a big man.
patreon.com/lowqualityfa...

A nurse was fired in 1992 after a game of musical cribs resulted in five newborn babies being given to the wrong parents.

Nurses can't have fun like this anymore, because of woke.

Tony Hawk: I'd like to turn myself in for murder.

Cop: Are you Tony Hawk?

Tony Hawk: Yes.

Cop: If you're Tony Hawk where's your skateboard?

Tony Hawk, holding up a blood-soaked skateboard: It dug right into his skull. I am a monster.

Cop: You look a little old to be Tony Hawk.

This is why grave robbing exists. Each bone is worth 3-20 dollars.

A black and white woven blanket showing a large UFO beaming up skeletons from a desert scene with cactus and a snake.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Skeleton Abduction Blanket. Skeletons used to roam the Earth, but aliens came and abducted them all. They did this because the bones are their money.
collabs.shop/casj9w

Whales are the only animals that sing happy birthday to each other.

Whales are incredible.

"I never wanted to act. wanted to be a chef at Applebee's, but - am legally not allowed to set foot in any Applebee's." 1 Ryan Gosling

I love Ryan Gosling.

Wow, you learn something new about snakes every day.

Bryan Cranston was almost fired from Breaking Bad after producers discovered he had been cooking real meth in his scenes.

Method acting at its finest.

I hate how many of you immediately got the pun.

A black t-shirt featuring a cartoon illustration of a sad teacup between the words "It’s A SHIRT" in a bold, bubbly white font. The teacup has a simple frowning face, a yellow liquid inside, and a tea bag tag hanging off the side.

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Tea Shirt. I am unwilling to admit how long it took me to get the pun.
collabs.shop/cpk8ix