Attaboi

Trump Defends Demolition Of Yggdrasil, Ancient Tree Of Life

Trump Defends Demolition Of Yggdrasil, Ancient Tree Of Life https://theonion.com/trump-defends-demolition-of-yggdrasil-ancient-tree-of-life/

Underfunded Schools Forced To Cut Past Tense From Language Programs WASHINGTON—Faced with ongoing budget crises, underfunded schools nationwide are increasingly left with no option but to cut the past tense—a grammatical construction traditionally used to relate all a...

Underfunded Schools Forced To Cut Past Tense From Language Programs

I forgot how much I love to hate characters. What a fucked up, pathetic loser. I want to see more of him, immediately

Curing diseases is great and everything but can they put some scientists onto inventing gluten free bread that isn’t a brick made out of dust

This picturesque luxury cottage is available free of charge until the family that owns it gets back from their trip to Montauk. Reference #07965

Real Estate: Window Ajar

Favorite characters dying is bad for my health

Reading your own work like

"I wrote that?" 🤩
and also
"I wrote that?" 🤢

I hate when my frantic attempts to change my fate ironically lead to the same outcome prophesied by the soothsayer

If it’s actually important, they leave a message.

Relaxing Tea Better Fucking Work

Relaxing Tea Better Fucking Work https://theonion.com/relaxing-tea-better-fucking-work-1819579209/

Artwork "Saturn devouring his son" but with a "I consent!" sticker placed on where the dead body's head would be.

*taps sign*

Jack Daniel’s Unveils New Whiskey For Operating Heavy Machinery

Jack Daniel’s Unveils New Whiskey For Operating Heavy Machinery https://theonion.com/jack-daniel-s-unveils-new-whiskey-for-operating-heavy-m-1851339696/

Trump Claims He Can’t Be Expected To Remember Every Birthday Card He Sends To Child Molesters

Trump Claims He Can’t Be Expected To Remember Every Birthday Card He Sends To Child Molesters https://theonion.com/trump-claims-he-cant-be-expected-to-remember-every-birthday-card-he-sends-to-child-molesters/

Come on, look at how cool this tower thingy is. Imagine sitting in a little circular room like that. So cool. Reference #56727

Real Estate: House With Cool Turret Thing

Guy In Philosophy Class Needs To Shut The Fuck Up

Guy In Philosophy Class Needs To Shut The Fuck Up https://theonion.com/guy-in-philosophy-class-needs-to-shut-the-fuck-up-1819568055/

Sleeping Man Flanked By Laptop, Phone, Earbuds Like Egyptian Pharaoh Buried With All His Treasures

Sleeping Man Flanked By Laptop, Phone, Earbuds Like Egyptian Pharaoh Buried With All His Treasures

Yes.

Flail plush 🖤

A man out in the street holding a sign that says "That's Mr Faggot to you" pride June 1990 new york

Pride, New York, June of 1990

Yes

Marathon Runner Collapses A Little Too Early To Be Compassionately Helped Across Finish Line

Marathon Runner Collapses A Little Too Early To Be Compassionately Helped Across Finish Line theonion.com/maratho...

Ok to be real real, I’m creeping along over-encumbered because I’m stubborn and refuse to drop a single bone.

I might finally be getting out of burnout mode

Woman Allows Herself One More Anxiety Episode Before Bed Decision Made To Stay Up For Half Hour Of Intense Worry

Woman Allows Herself One More Anxiety Episode Before Bed
theonion.com/woman-a...

Sinking in that the 12th is going to be my legal wedding day- going to the courthouse. It's a long time coming.
Being polyamorous and married seems like a weird combo. But I'm happy with my life partner and free to find other relationships if they come; as short or long as they last.

STRESS

giving myself a gold star for this

Your skeleton has around 25,000 calories.

Woke up to find my bedtime medication in the pocket of my sweatpants. Great start to the day.