I recently heard that wondering what it would be like to not exist, to just disappear, was a type of suicidal thinking.
I've been pondering about this since I heard I heard. I haven't been able to wrap my brain around it from a personal standpoint. Intellectually, yes. But I never thought I was...

I appreciate this void. I can cry and no one is going to bother me about it. No one's going to try to fix me. I can be alone and just drift.

Every once in a while, I ponder who, apart from my therapist, I pour all my feelings out to...

Father's Day is...complicated and in some ways harder than Mother's Day.
I mean, Mom isn't alive, so the grief just shifts, changes, evolves. But how do you mourn someone who's alive but estranged? You call or text. You send the expected gifts, and all you feel is numb.

I just...want to not feel fragile all the time.

I'm spending less time on social media. It's a blessing and a curse. I still love it because I actually feel like I'm accomplishing things- painting, sewing, research!

I'd like to be at home doing alchemy things rather than sitting in an office.

Today, I ponder interconnectedness
The idea that our actions & decisions not only serve our personal interest but also impact our families, communities, & society.
Do we consider the long-term consequences of our actions or the mutual benefit?
If it's not good for the hive, is it good for the bees?

My partner is truly amazing. Every morning, I wake up to hot coffee and a warm blanket. It is a great start to my day.

Not everything can be sunshine and roses...

I just keep staring- into screens, off in the distance, at nothing- because it all seems too much and I don't know what to do.

Today's a day for tea and ignoring television.

It's not always comfortable to have a mirror held up to your face. We need to learn to lean into discomfort and stretch past it to grow.

I want a snow day. Hell, I'd take not being exhausted after sleeping for 8 hours.
Dear body, please stop running at 11 because we honestly can't take it.

She sleeps like IKEA furniture that you put together without using the instructions.

King Cake is the breakfast of champions. Fight me.

I'd like to stay curled up in my heated blanket fort today, please.

I have impotently watched so much happen since January 20, 2025. And today, February 1... the leader of my country pushed forward on even more of his campaign promises that have resulted in retaliation tariffs and a claim with the WTO.
Cool. Cool.
Can I have a timeline where I don't repeat WW2?

Well, the bookstore still doesn't have Demise on the shelves. Guess I'll console myself with Heavenly Tyrant (which I've been anxiouslywaitingfor), soul food, and wine.

On days when my career is heavy, I question whether I have the fortitude to continue or if I should find a new field.

If I had been meant to have patients, I'd have become a doctor. sigh

Ever have one of those mornings where you want to use some of your state mandated sick leave, but convince yourself to go into the office anyway because there's work that needs done and your overachiever, perfectionist with a touch of procrastination self can't let anyone down?
Just me?

And on to Descent. Why do I have to work a day job that's not drinking tea and reading?

This morning, I finished Deceit by @ktauthor.bsky.social and it's been a struggle to pay attention in the office.
I want to know what happens next but I don't have the second book yet! 😢 And TBF, if I did, it's probably too steamy for office lunchtime reading...

Breathe in. Breathe out. In. Out.

Keep breathing. Keep moving. The world is better cause you're here. Honest.

Just started Deceit last night and I had a hard time putting to down.

Honestly, reading about how, as a cis-woman, I'm going to be defended from "gender ideology extremism," is probably the most disgusting thing ever, and I've read all three 50 Shades books.

Today is canceled. Please revert to last Sunday when things still seemed moderately tolerable.

There are too many feels for today.
Here. Have a Nyx photo.

#LadyNyxabelle

I really want to feel this serenity again