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Ian Searle

@iansearle.bsky.social

Humble TV Techie by day, International Comedy Writer by night. My jokes are originals (I believe) - feel free to share and I retweet stuff that makes me laugh

106 Followers  |  98 Following  |  975 Posts  |  Joined: 20.09.2023
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Posts by Ian Searle (@iansearle.bsky.social)

Lord Mandelson was arrested on Monday on suspicion of misconduct in public, but later released on bail.

He must be grateful he wasn’t put under curfew, otherwise the politician known as The Prince of Darkness would never be able to go out again.

#jokedump

28.02.2026 21:27 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Lewis Capaldi has joined an exclusive club of celebrities by having his name officially registered as a trademark.

Now every time he signs a letter he has to pay himself royalties

#jokedump

28.02.2026 21:27 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Alan Carr has bought a castle in the Scottish Borders. Experts believe he may be suffering from a condition known as Turrets-Syndrome.

#jokedump

28.02.2026 21:26 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

A woman has expressed concern over her botched Brazilian butt lift that went too far.

She says she regrets having the operation, from the bottom in her heart.

#jokedump

28.02.2026 21:25 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

It has been revealed this week that the Government potentially plans to pay less for Special Educational Needs than it did for Andrew Mountbatten to have massages.

#jokedump

28.02.2026 21:24 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

A woman from Hull, who had to have a full amputation after a botched knee operation, has won compensation from the hospital trust.

Doctors had told her not to bother bringing the case to court, as she didn’t have a leg to stand on.

#jokedump

28.02.2026 21:24 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Spotify and YouTube have broken-down the listening habits of the UK in 2025.

Scotland and Wales listen to Taylor Swift, the South East prefer Drake, and in the South West it’s the Wurzels!

#jokedump

28.02.2026 21:23 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Several Olympic athletes claim they have experienced their medals breaking shortly after they were awarded.

It is even worse than that, someone has already eaten chocolate.

#jokedump

28.02.2026 21:22 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Reese Witherspoon has told people: β€˜Don’t chase your dreams’— follow your talents, and in one fell swoop she has single handedly destroyed the reality TV industry.

#jokedump

28.02.2026 21:21 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

William Shatner is releasing his own new heavy metal record.

During the recording he asked for all the speakers in the studio to be turned up to eleven, but the engineer told him β€œ They cannae take it cap'n!”.

#jokedump

28.02.2026 21:20 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

A β€˜Smiling' fossil’ has been discovered on Holy Island. It is believed to be the world’s first recorded emoji.

#jokedump

28.02.2026 21:19 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

US researchers say a single nasal spray vaccine could protect against all coughs, colds and flus.

One of the scientists explained that he never thought they would be able to do it, but his mum reassured him, β€œCourse you can Malcolm!”.

#jokedump

28.02.2026 21:19 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

The government has warned MPs it would be a physical impossibility to have a β€˜crackdown’ on β€˜butt lifts’.

#jokedump

28.02.2026 21:18 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Across Scotland, the first of 15 new walk-in GP clinics have opened, which is great news for everyone except those with broken legs and twisted ankles..

#jokedump

28.02.2026 21:18 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Activists have mounted a photograph of Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor inside the Louvre in Paris, in protest against his involvement in the Jeffrey Epstein Scandal.

The former prince claims he has been framed.

#jokedump

28.02.2026 21:17 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
Preview
Stop dithering on Brazilian butt lifts crackdown, say MPs A committee of MPs warns tighter restrictions on high-risk cosmetic procedures are needed immediately.

"Brazilian butt lift crackdown" Isn't this an oxymoron?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

26.02.2026 07:37 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Brilliant!

23.02.2026 22:10 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

First Randy Andy and now Mandy. Can we just check on Ariana Grandi?

23.02.2026 17:37 β€” πŸ‘ 3    πŸ” 1    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

Royal Mail has issued a set of 12 stamps to celebrate the world of Hornby Model Railways...

And in fashion news anoraks are set to make a return.

#jokedump

21.02.2026 12:52 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Penguins at Edinburgh Zoo are preparing for the breeding season with males presenting pebbles as gifts to their partner.

There have been complaints of infidelity with some of the Canadian penguins accused of double-tapping the stones.

#jokedump

21.02.2026 12:52 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

An Australian TV Sports presenter has apologised for drinking before delivering a slurred Olympics report.

The residents of Airdrie, Coatbridge, and Cumbernauld say they can see what all the fuss was about as they understood every word.

#jokedump

21.02.2026 12:50 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

The hunt for the UK's smallest mouse, in a huge Scottish nature reserve, has begun.

It is being led by a grey and white Tom Cat with a huge mallet, and an ACME rocket sledge.

#jokedump

21.02.2026 12:49 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

The new Scottish qualification board has vowed nothing is off the table’ in their new exam scheme...

Except obviously programmable calculators, smart phones and crib sheets.

#jokedump

21.02.2026 12:49 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

An all-women team of rowers from Scotland has completed a race across the Atlantic dubbed the World's Toughest Row.

They did take longer than expected, as they had to turn back because one of them thought she’d forgotten to lock the front door.

#jokedump

21.02.2026 12:48 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Disney has said its amusement parks in the US will take a hit in the months ahead due to flagging numbers of international visitors.

Apparently it’s not such a small world after all.

#jokedump

21.02.2026 12:47 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Former US President Barack Obama has had to clarify that there are no extra-terrestrials being kept in Area 51.

He went on to explain that, if there were any aliens living at Roswell, Donald Trump would have sent in ICE agents to have them shot.

#jokedump

21.02.2026 12:46 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Staff at more than a dozen Royal Mail delivery offices have told the BBC that rounds are being missed on a daily basis, as they are stretched beyond capacity.

This all happened months ago, but the letters have only just arrived.

#jokedump

21.02.2026 12:46 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

A Glasgow School of Art graduate has entered the Guinness Book of Records with her sculpture of a giant puppet.

Prior to this the official largest sock monkey in the world was Borris Johnson.

#jokedump

21.02.2026 12:45 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

The SNP has said an independent inquiry must be launched into a scandal involving a Labour think tank that allegedly spied on journalists.

The Daily Mail is incensed, that’s their job!

#jokedump

21.02.2026 12:45 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

The man behind popular video game consoles like the Genesis and Dreamcast sadly died last week.
Ever since Sega executives have been waiting for him to respawn.

#jokedump

21.02.2026 12:44 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0