Logan | INACTIVE

Sometimes I look at my coping mechanism and just have to tell myself “at least it’s not drugs”

Cause if that’s the standard I’m doing amazing

Having littles in the system means stuffed animals just got put on our “talk about in therapy today” list and it is 100% serious 😭😭

On the topic of things I hate

Speaking up for myself. It makes me wanna puke and die (probably at the same time)

I hate being an adult. I had to wake up early to make some phone calls and

I hate it. I want sleep. I want to not have to be responsible

For once in my life I’d like to be wrong

It seems as tho I may have accurately project another disorder/condition

My doctor said the gallstones are likely not causing issues rn which means I was right 🫠🫩

I just wanna be wrong once and it actually be a tiny small fixable issue 😭😭

It’s just hit me I’m going to have to tell another person about my father within the like next week ish

And I’m not loving that

I honestly try to forget he exists because talking about him comes with talking about one of the most sensitive topics probably ever and that isn’t fun

I am so done with the constant appts

I have one tomorrow
One next week and
One the week after that

And just medical stuff not therapy or MH based treatment

God I wanna be done with this all

Free me from the hell that is GI complications

After a little bit of googling idk if gallstones are the cause of my symptoms

It’s mostly right side pain and upper abdominal pain according to the Mayo Clinic and that’s like 1% of my symptoms and not even full story of the 1%

So either we ain’t got the full picture or the Mayo Clinic is wrong 🙃🫠

It’s gonna be some sick and twisted joke if I have gallstones and delayed gastric emptying

I’m considering finding god and fighting him if I have both cause he’s not as funny as he thinks he is

Sometimes I forget how badly my dissociative disorder effects my pain tolerance, recognition of symptoms, and the normalization of symptoms

Like wdym I’m supposed to be in excruciating pain from [insert issue]?? I barely feel it and even when I do its not even 10/10 pain

I probably have gallstones 😀

No clue what that means but I can for sure say it isn’t fun

Being the youngest in the waiting room is something I’ll never get over or stop being sad about in general

Everyone is probably at least 50+ and I’m 22

I just go “sorry my service is bad. I’m at a hospital” and then I don’t have the service to reassure him that it’s just a test/office located in a hospital 😭😭

Being chronically ill and having a best friend is so weird sometimes

I just had to text him and warn him about an ultrasound I’m getting so I didn’t scare him shitless when I randomly drop the info that I’m at a hospital tomorrow morning

Like girl can you get your priorities straight???

I say this a lot but I can’t stand my mother

Instead of being happy I was *finally* able to shower after like a month cause my chronic illnesses are causing too many issues to worry about hygiene

She’s worried I’m going to wake up my uncle by tapping my conditioner bottle

The need to take albuterol and nausea meds overlap ever so slightly so now

Idk if I need one or both or neither

The life of allergies ig

I genuinely can’t stand my mother someday

Instead of asking the pharmacy that has the information she came home and asked me with a fraction of the information I’d need to answer the question

God forbid a man wants his mom to use her brain 🙄

I genuinely have zero clue how I will be able to fix my sleep schedule in like a week and a half

I have to go from 1:30pm wake up time to 7/7:30am wake up time 😭😭

Being a system of “why do we need sleep that’s wasted time” and “it’s okay you’re allowed to rest” is the bane of all of our existence cause

Then we just stay up all night and feel guilty about it

It always goes back to money

A cycle we have been aware of for quite some time but no one will take the steps needed to get it on the right track

Which is another cycle in itself

Understaffing also commonly leads to over working which is bad for the provider because they are basically drowning and the patients cause they struggle to get consistent care

Yeah and good help is so hard to find even if you have perfect access

Mine is obviously less than stellar and it took like 15 years and like 7 counselors before I found my current therapist and really settled into treatment

I just found out day light savings on Sunday

I am so busy next week. I can’t be adjusting to a new schedule on top of the stress of next week 😭😭

Being and adult is NOT worth it

Omg the luck with that timing

It wouldn’t be as bad if I didn’t live in an area with virtually no trauma based care

We dont have trauma therapy or EMDR within hours of my house. I’m lucky I found a trauma informed therapist (where I live it’s different from trauma therapy)

It’s somewhat better now that I have a trauma informed care therapist so she knows where to poke per say

But I’m still way to self aware about literally everything that happens in regards to mental health

I just can’t heal via those things and lots of therapists don’t know what to do with the overly self aware unhealed patients