Jason Roeder

What's his plan for Iran? What was Sandy's plan for New Jersey?

Wish I knew more MAGA people to cut all ties with.

This War Will Destabilize The Entire Mideast Region And Set Off A Global Shockwave Of Anti-Americanism vs. No It Won’t

I can't fucking believe we're doing this again.

Please Los Angeles and please

We are a few thousand subscribers away from being a bigger print newspaper than the Washington Post.

We are a mere flurry away from humiliating one of the two Big Space Perverts.

Ask not how a Space Pervert can dominate you. Ask how you can dominate a Space Pervert.

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Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House

Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House

Join The Onion Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.

*putting on CEO hat* uhhh prove us even more right! Subscribe to The Onion, get a real-life newspaper in your real-life mail. Feel good about yourself. Give yourself big compliments about being morally right.

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photo of Pam Bondi testifying in the foreground as a group of 7 women and 1 men raise their hands

Likely-historic photo by NBC News of all the Epstein victims asked to raise their hands if they've not yet been asked to meet with the DOJ as Bondi testifies in foreground

Right?

YouTube video by 11db11 The Rockford Files Theme

This will work, trust me.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=yg1C...

About 3.5 hours away from the sonic boom of 10 million people cancelling their Peacock subscriptions at once.

BREAKING: The Epstein survivors are releasing this ad on this Super Bowl Sunday to send the message that they will not “move on” from the largest sex trafficking scandal in the world. #standwithsurvivors

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The Sinister Minnesotans Collection Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE  Show your solidarity with the Sinister Minnesotans refusing to back down from the ICE agents currently polluting their great state with brutality, lawl...

Net proceeds from every "Sinister Minnesotans" t-shirt, hoodie, or onesie go directly to community groups helping out in Minnesota. Visit The Onion store now. Wow! Do it. OK bye.

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Wish I knew more MAGA people to cut all ties with.

A video of Alex Pretti reading out the final salute of an unnamed veteran he cared for until the end of his life in the ICU, posted to Facebook by his son.

The whole interview is worth it

Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE Net proceeds will be donated to local organizations in Minnesota

Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE https://store.theonion.com/products/sinister-minnesotans-t-shirt?variant=44569654984773

Stand With Minnesota Donation Directory Stand With Minnesota is a hub for supporting, learning, and taking action to support Minnesotans impacted by ICE and federal enforcement.

If you donate money to this and skeet me proof, I will send you a photo of my naked foot standing in my filthy bathtub where I lovingly bathe men before throwing them in my sex basement!! I am NOT joking!! www.standwithminnesota.com

Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE Net proceeds will be donated to local organizations in Minnesota

Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE https://store.theonion.com/products/sinister-minnesotans-t-shirt?variant=44569654984773

Dr. Jonathan Reiner on CNN ticks through all the evidence we have that something has changed for the worse with Trump's health since October that the White House is covering up

I may not truly conquer 2026, but, by God, I will bore it to death.

I refuse to sign off on 2026 until I see a draft first.

FYI, some restaurants have last-minute New Year's packages where you can squat on an inflatable mini-cushion next to the grease trap.

Apparently, some people were alarmed that my Christmas card was just a photo of me sitting up to my neck in ashes.

WATCH: Here's the segment CBS News pulled from "60 Minutes" last night

So apparently, you're not allowed to board first for a flight just because you want to leave a trail of rose petals for the other passengers.

Holiday Movies We’re Going to Skip “A Child’s Christmas in a Waymo,” “Alan Dershowitz Is Coming to Town,” and more.

Definitely NOT going to watch these holidays movies this year!

Today's @newyorker.com

With Scott Jacobson, Todd Levin, Jason Roeder, Ted Travelstead

@toddlevin.bsky.social
@jasonroeder.bsky.social
@trumpetcake.bsky.social
Scott Jacobson

www.newyorker.com/humor/shouts...

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens https://theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-regularly-happens-3/

Humanity's emptiest vessel is just six months away from playing Candy Land with the innovator of an escape-proof immigrant detention fortress.