Wendy

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like the neighbor's from a 70s TV sitcom.

I only get sick at the prospect of having to be around other people.

apple names calm the fuck down

Somedays I wish I had earlids.

*batman voice* do you have any cough drops

left my will to live on legal zoom dot com

If anyone saw how I load a dishwasher I'm sure I would be arrested

Thanks for over sharing says no one.

gratitude journaling my way into oblivion

the real housewives of twin peaks

i find myself asking “is this real life?” a lot more these days

Interviewer: It says here you're good at making up words. How often do you find that useful?

Me: Contuitively.

Some things are easier screamed in your head than done.

who among us hasn’t dreamt of being gently suspended forever in an infinite ocean of faintly luminous mauve jello

The primal urge to eat cereal before bed

I leave the heavy lifting to the metaphor.

Knight of the slightly irregular, final sale Ikea table.

If you don’t annoy your cat do you even love them really?

The deepest conversations I've had in life have been with myself.

Some pretty interesting leaves in the gutter there.

Whenever you trip over a root disturbing the calm lapping route of a sidewalk you are thinking about if any photos of a lake monster are real, that much ripples true

Horror movie idea: you unlock your team’s hidden potential

No worries babe. We have our anxiety to keep us warm

Sometimes people come into your life, and that’s got to stop.

are people still skipping to my lou

So tell me about yourself. Okay, that's enough.

It's hard to believe but if you wear a top hat to work every day, eventually, your coworkers won't even notice it. Now the monocle.

I always carry an extra salisbury steak in my back pocket for emergencies

Dr. Frankenstein: Did your intuition return?

Igor: Yes I got my hunch back.

Wind chimes like awkward singing for the gathering of pendulums, which is called a murder of the earth's rotation the musical