Alan

it finally happened to me

a mom on my flight this morning asked me to give up my window seat in premium economy so that her kids who were sat in fucking narnia could sit with her

i like how mom paid for few extra inches of legroom for herself but decided it wasn't worth the extra $$ for the kids

if you can't even stand with marginalized communities or THE PLANET WE LIVE ON by not using ChatGPT then what do you even stand for? What do you care about?

I know y'all are eager to dunk on Donald, but using gen-ai that LITERALLY POISONS WATER in poor communities of color to uhhhh, protest his treatment of people of color is a little fucked up but i hope you enjoyed your 5 minutes of social media clout #NoKings #NoKingsDay

while y'all are stanning Taylor's new album here's a picture that her PR team has desperately tried to bury but the great thing about the internet is that you truly cannot kill anything once it's uploaded

edgelord reddit atheists WISH they could blaspheme on the level that Evangelicals do on a daily basis

if it was a legitimate shooting, the alpha male's body has ways to try and shut that whole thing down

21 Pilots releasing a new album on September 12th means we're gonna have two pilot-related tragedies one right after the other that week

we don't support billionaires in this house

I know that Aubrey Plaza was only joking on Amy Poehler's podcast about not having watched Parks & Rec

but like

I wouldn't want to watch myself fall in love with Chris Pratt, either

Trent Reznor if he was on The Muppets:

What have I become... my Swedish friend...

every time somebody talks about Bezos' wedding in Venice, I remember that we didn't clown on him nearly enough for sexting "i love you alive girl" to his current wife while cheating on his last wife

the job market is in shambles

love to see him die as he lived: in a mid-season sacking

the only fucking thing trump won't pass is away

reminder that the Jesus that Christians claim to follow was never & never will be on the side of people trying to convince you that it's okay to oppress, starve, bomb, and kill others.

a joke. i was just trying to make a joke. i didn't think anyone would actually be stupid enough to feed sensitive, classified information to a private sector A.I. oh my god

apple showing an amex on their apple pay ads is some top tier comedy bc for the last 5 yrs, mine declines 75% of the time & they send me a text asking if i just tried to run that transaction, but when i tap the physical card in my wallet it magically always works w/ no issues

how long do we have until ChatGPT spits out highly-classified intel to some rando because it's pulling from info that one of our incompetent-ass, lazy-ass govt officials fed to it

season 2, episode 10. when Dedra confronts Luthen.

Andor is peak Star Wars because what do you MEEEAAANNNN Luthen has Jar Jar Binks' skull with a sith emblem on it in his gallery lmaaaaooooo

There's a Lincoln Continental somewhere out there with more Kennedy brains in its backseat than this clown has between his ears. Shit, they left Rosemary with more brains than the worm left ol' Robby.

when people say shit like "i'm conservative and even i think this is funny"

actually, you should always be clowning on politicians regardless of your political party. they aren't here for you to worship & revere. they can always do better. if you aren't clowning on them you're in a cult.

we truly do follow all the same people lmao

Paper Straws is one of the dumbest greenwashing scams that Americans have fallen for

"they're biodegradable" yeah i know. they biodegrade in transit and storage from humidity if they're not wrapped in—you guessed it—SINGLE USE PLASTIC

Meet the hunky gay designer making all of the pope's religious clothing He may be making the pope's fits, but he's also the master of the thirst trap!

like, he VERY LIKELY learned this phrase from hanging around his tailor and immediately started throwing it around the vatican like a child hearing the fuck word for the first time. this fucking queen.

RIP to the only pope ever to use gay slurs that are EXCLUSIVELY used by gay italian men to talk about OTHER gay men #frociaggine #popefrancis

imagine being so awful that the pope dies **immediately** after meeting with you to tell you how bad your take on immigrants and the needy is

hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhhahahahahahaha

imagine being THIS shortsighted to abandon DEI practices when a HUGE amount of your shopper base is Black families and queer white women with short straight-across bangs who literally based their entire personalities around going on "target dates" to spend $200 on tchotchkes