oogly boogly :p

heard some things...saw somethings....

nvm im cured guys moment of weakness 🙏🏾

the horrors are horroring

save me comphet save me.....

if ur close and have the energy dm and ask if they wanna talk about it if not uhhhhh idk u can still do the same just it's not as expected of u ig?

crazy how I woke up and spent most of the day spiraling with scary intrusive thoughts and now I'm going to bed smiling ear to ear my life truly is an adventure

ykw whatever I'll get a job when I get a job and it'll be one that doesn't genuinely make me wanna KMS like my old job and my irl from home is literally getting her ticket to come see me as we speak and this alone will drive me to finish my dissertation early and well and every thing will be fine .

sighs.

the idea that he was once my favorite parent is so distant and unbelievable to me I feel like he doesn't know me at all.

and maybe I wouldn't be so annoyed at my dad's emails and texts if they were ever a check in to see how I'm doing and not just shoving more academic related things down my throat for things I never showed interest in for institutions I've blatantly said I want nothing to do with.

relating to old poetry I wrote is interesting cause on one hand it's like wow see we got through this before and we will again and then on the other hand it's we will never escape this feeling it just subsides it's never over and will never be

the worry that I'll end up a cautionary tale of wasted potential grows stronger every year I'm starting to think it'll never go away

feeling a bit too this is me trying by t.s. for my tastes.

another hour long call of my parents talking at me and reminding me of all the things I have to do and haven't done and telling me to just come home as if I wouldn't kms if I had to and telling me to just stop being anxious and focus on my work and forget everything else as if it's just that easy

genuinely terrified it's all gonna go up in flames I. im homesick but NOT THAT MUCH-

stressed stressed stressed it never fucking ends .

notes app again

pinterest stop giving me things that remind me of us challenge: FAILED

and the thing is even when I do get a job it will only be enough to cover groceries and a few fun things otherwise id have to spend entire months pay checks on rent and I'm kinda scared to ask my parents what the plan is exactly here.... tho it was their idea for me to stay here so like...

I think perhaps there's something fundamentally wrong with me maybe but I don't feel like unpacking all that tonight

sighs.

I was doing so well.......

the horrors are back ok.

today has been rough I've gotten nothing done I'm feeling sick in every single way I'm... so tired .

im not used to being on this side of the love story it feels evil and wrong i don't like being logical despite my heart.

in my hot priest, jo march, and na young era ig.

someone take chappell away from me.

I'll be fine I always am it's fine

being sad just reaffirms it all tho cause I need a hug so badly right now and I can't get one from a single person actually so that's. yk.

i should not have read back in my notes app poetry dawg that was a huge mistake.