I like how one of christians evidence of biblical accuracy is that there are places we know of today that are mentioned in the bible
That’s like saying Harry Potter is real because it mentions London - A REAL PLACE!
I like how one of christians evidence of biblical accuracy is that there are places we know of today that are mentioned in the bible
That’s like saying Harry Potter is real because it mentions London - A REAL PLACE!
Any meal is a square meal as long as it comes with four sides.
09.03.2026 14:14 — 👍 22 🔁 12 💬 0 📌 0Looking for a genie to turn me into my wife's phone so I can be held all day while getting tummy rubs.
09.03.2026 15:07 — 👍 110 🔁 42 💬 5 📌 0Had a jarring wake-up call today (stepped on the scale after vacation)
09.03.2026 12:51 — 👍 25 🔁 11 💬 1 📌 0You expect me to eat chia seeds?? The same seeds I use to grow my pets?
08.03.2026 19:19 — 👍 183 🔁 51 💬 8 📌 0classing up “junk in the trunk” and calling it “loot in the boot”
08.03.2026 19:56 — 👍 216 🔁 66 💬 11 📌 2
Like they say, the wieners write the history books
08.03.2026 22:02 — 👍 6 🔁 1 💬 1 📌 0Italy's equivalent of arm candy is elbow macaroni.
07.03.2026 14:28 — 👍 92 🔁 36 💬 1 📌 0
I assume a whole fucking lot of neutrons
07.03.2026 14:27 — 👍 24 🔁 4 💬 2 📌 0
... of douchebaggery
07.03.2026 02:48 — 👍 5 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0Currently maintaining an optical illusion that I'm sitting at my desk at work when in fact I'm at home with Floyd and all I used was a sack of potatoes, two mirrors and a paper clip.
05.03.2026 20:11 — 👍 48 🔁 27 💬 1 📌 0Autocorrect changed panic attack to picnic attack, and now i'm imagining surprise potato salad, sandwiches, and deviled eggs.
05.03.2026 16:05 — 👍 45 🔁 8 💬 6 📌 0
Sitting on an all-inclusive Caribbean beach with an 88 year old family member talking about what we want to eat and he says "soup".
Hashtag FacePalmTree
Me at confession: I committed all 7 deadly sins in one afternoon.
Priest: Tell me more
Me: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I made love to his wife and drank all his booze without sharing.
Priest: You forgot pride
Me: oh I’m pretty damn proud of it
Panic! in the panic room. fully expected
04.03.2026 16:41 — 👍 126 🔁 41 💬 1 📌 1Spammin' Me to the tune of Jammin' Me by Tom Petty
03.03.2026 17:28 — 👍 9 🔁 4 💬 0 📌 0
I am outta here
03.03.2026 12:49 — 👍 20 🔁 2 💬 2 📌 0I am paying someone to have sex in my home. No, its not prostitution, get your mind out of the gutter. My son and his girlfriend are dog sitting for a few days.
02.03.2026 20:58 — 👍 53 🔁 12 💬 5 📌 0Leave for vacation tomorrow, next Monday I will deal with the messes I am leaving behind at work.
02.03.2026 18:59 — 👍 12 🔁 3 💬 0 📌 0I live somewhere between playing my cards right & not playing with a full deck.
02.03.2026 13:02 — 👍 145 🔁 73 💬 4 📌 0Diamonds are forever and so are marinara sauce stains
31.01.2025 18:37 — 👍 215 🔁 91 💬 5 📌 0Every time I get the silent treatment I write down what I did to cause it so I can do it again down the road.
01.03.2026 23:18 — 👍 17 🔁 7 💬 1 📌 0Sunday saddies setting in
02.03.2026 02:30 — 👍 19 🔁 7 💬 1 📌 0do you think ducks are upset we call bad doctors “quacks”
02.03.2026 02:33 — 👍 167 🔁 52 💬 14 📌 1
"24" season 2 writers room
Writer 1: So Kim Bauer has 2 functioning brain cells, who should we pit her against?
Writer 2: I dunno, a mountain lion?
Writer 1: fucken genius!
Barron already getting his bone-spurs checked so he can duck the draft created by his daddy's actions.
03.01.2026 13:30 — 👍 109 🔁 25 💬 2 📌 0
DOCTOR: The news is bad. It may be time to put your affairs in order
ME: [awkward whisper] Dude, my wife is like, right there.
ME: I'd like mine medium-well please
WAITER: Sir, this is a breakfast buffet. You make your own toast.
At least I‘ll never have to worry about someone using my photos for a catfish account
01.03.2026 23:28 — 👍 26 🔁 12 💬 1 📌 0