efi

kill suffering

and this is horrifying to me because i don't fully know how to stop participating in this and whether that is actually possible, or how to at least protect myself from things that lead to more suffering

the inevitable immense pain and horrible formations emerging from physicality are what is ugly and unattractive, and make the small, fleeting bits of beauty flawed and not worth existing for

it's involuntary existence especially in the form of physical matter that has its own uncontrollable behavior and eventually forms life with emerging urges and pain, and we all get boiled in this soup trying to avoid suffering, but our ignorance makes us do evil to ourselves and others

horrors of existence itself, ugliness and unattractiveness of reality

i really genuinely hope that all the horror i have is only mental and made up and not actually external and thus uncontrollable or real

i didn't know i could fully experience severe parasympathetic acute stress reaction while sleeping and seeing awful things in dreams and still have it after waking up but i guess i have to live with that now

same

reality is so difficult

i hate bureaucracies they are so obfuscated and exhausting

i'm the best musician ever

i'm tired

to live happily in this universe is to be a supergenius i suppose

yes

imagine if there was no horror and dread in life

bluesky this video was already just 0.79mb you don't have to recompress it to 1.21mb

it's one of the five hindrances described in buddhism that stand in the way of suffering reduction practice, and having my sensual desire (even as simple as comfortable temperature) unfulfilled hurts me as i experience negativity, which then makes it mentally very painful to simply exist

this is awful and depressing and i am nowhere near ready to ever do that

ethereal with some of its definitions is such a good word that describes most things i enjoy

if you have (actual) ocd do everything you possibly can to fully treat it before it irrecoverably and painfully ruins your life

i need to learn a way to stop clinging to views and opinions it brings me so much suffering and internal conflict and anxiety when i see someone or manyones say something that goes against what i think

your style is so stylish

most likely the latter

i have a strong craving to leave this universe somehow