psk

O es que acaso solo soy capaz de encontrar cariño para dar en forma del alivio que da aligerar el sufrimiento. ¿No me nace el cariño de otra forma? Devoción y compasión, sin nada entre medias.

Siempre perdide en cruces de lealtades. Siempre abocada a elegir el bando que más perderá en la reyerta.
Hasta cierto punto también es la música que toca mi alma.

Or is it just the echoes of past relationships, and there's nothing wrong?

My love is mixed with fear, and it feels devastating.
Or did I do something wrong? ... Did I overextended myself? Did I promise what I can't achieve, what I can't give?

I had a blast this afternoon with Lisbeth 💚

I know I am quote capable of love but... Have I lost the ability to fall in love?

I love her smile and the pasion and satisfaction in her face. It's everything 🌸

I feel so broken

Sometimes I think my hate is stronger than my love, and that scares me as fuck. I would hate that.

Otra lección a aprender para quienes no sabemos decir que no

A veces es más cruel decir que sí

Man, am I useless

I'm about to give up. I don't want to keep living like this.

My chest hurts. It always hurts 😮‍💨

I'm tired to be persued by bad reputation till the very doorsteps of my own home. I'm so tired. All my life just trying to survive. Everyday is an unwinnable fight. I'm tired. I just want to be me. I just want to be in peace.

But the fucking struggle goes on.

Underneath the fierce butch, the lesbian knight, there's a gentle prince, a deeply queer non binary lad. Masculinity on the outside, femininity in the inside. The rocker and the poet. The vessel and the flower. Protection and solace. Always two, always both.

Unrelated with the previous notes: I'm having more consideration towards myself even if it results in having less concern about my surroundings. My responsability is with me first, then with whomever I can reach next

It doesn't matter how these stories ended. I am ok about them. I only wish them the very best.
There are two more stories I am working on right now. I know one of them is gonna take me the rest of my life to manage.
Good news is, things are moving forward in both cases.

Two years ago I was grieving for nine different people. Nine complex mournings of which I thought I'd never recover. My heart felt broken beyond repair.
Today my heart is whole again. It has a different form, and it's covered in gold veins...
and it still pumps very hard

I'll be always in your team. Dignity above niceness. Even sour kindness is better than pretty superficiality and shallowness.

Qué reparación supone el poder hablar con la otra parte y entenderla. Qué maravilla es poder recobrar el equilibrio, cuando ambas partes son razonables. Qué paz.

What if I've never loved, but only had compassion or fascination for other people? .... :(

And, of course, this is as far away as possible from hate, bulling, negativity, aggresiveness, violence, dishonesty, classism, discrimination, abuse of power, racism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, misogyny or any kind of oppresion that goes from above to below.

I might be mistaking envy for desire. I'll consider what I see an inspiration rather than an invitation. I'll make my own pleasure with my own hands, my own delight, my own aspirations. I want to be my own inpiration too. I want to create myself at the very best of my power and imagination.

I guess I killed the person who loved her too. I feel nothing. I don't feel distance or remorse, aching or dispair. I don't feel any closeness or commitment, excitement or warmth. I don't feel responsible for her, not for the past, not in the future.

Now she is but a distant memory of desperate times. Not kin of my kin, not flesh of my flesh. I see her face and don't recognice her anymore. Who is this person? Was she really that important to me if I don't recognice her as mine (in any point of the timeline), nor I as hers, not anymore?

So... she chose hate and negativity. I punished myself a lot by thinking I wasn't loving or positive enough for her, and the truth is that I wasn't loving or positive enough for me.
Haters are going to keep hating.
And I'll blossom wherever there's love, hope, and kindness.

Tonight a good friend took care of my insecurities. God bless her 🌸 how fortunate I am 🫂

Y lo mismo para mis textos. Es importantísimo no dejarse llevar por el pesimismo. La esperanza es nuestro arma más poderosa

Creo que la atención define nuestra realidad. Por eso voy a dejar de prestar atención a lo que me trae dolor y enfocarme en lo que me hace querer seguir viviendo.