Auntie Social

If you sub for your surgeon, every surgery is bottom surgery

[COMMERCIAL ON TV] Me, as a kid: Hey, I have that toy! Me, as an adult: Hey, I'm on that medication.

Not quite the same thrill.

the existence of adderall implies the existence of subtracternone, multiplierthem and dividerup

GENIE: what is your wish

ME: an ice cream cone from mcdonalds

GENIE: sorry the machine is down

LET'S A-GO!!!!!!!

the blair witch means there is also a blearth witch, a blwater witch, and a blfire witch

Your job is to pick the worst possible actor to play James Bond. Go!

If congress doesn't pull their heads out of their asses soon, there's not going to be anything left worth saving.

Some valleys are meant to stay hidden

Honestly, I think he wants a terrorist attack on U.S. soil for an excuse to “postpone” the midterms, he doesn’t care if Americans die as long as the GOP can keep control of Congress

kristi noem(ployment)

Torpedoing an unarmed ship, then leaving survivors to die, violates the Geneva Conventions, UNCLOS, the UN Charter, and the Rome Statute. All at once. The Trump regime claims no war exists, which makes this even more illegal. Calling it an 'operation' doesn't make it legal.

That sounds like a selling point tbh

Qty:420 lol

Mucuswayne

Anyone who thinks political commentary in the 80s was nuanced and invisible and didn't get in your face should revisit V some time

CNN Headline about Trump firing Noem. Noem looking like the portrait of Kristi Noem that was doing all the aging. Her skin looks like it’s from a 400 year old oil painting that was stored outside on a beach in the Pacific Northwest.

Is this CNN throwing shade? Her face looks like it’s from a gen 1 AI image maker. Everything looks glued on and painted. Is this what evil does to your skin?

What in the final fantasy seven is this shit?

"The Sheild of the Americas" reminds me of a maxi pad.

Being a night owl and an early adopter of the internet, I had a lot of friends in the UK. I still like to use colour and humour. Yes, I live in the states, but I'm never gonna give U up.

Currently getting word that Markwayne Mullins' collagen lip injections are already underway.

WIFE: *forgets her phone*

ME: *calls wife's phone* hey call me back you forgot your phone

Saw an article that said women should stop having kids after 40. Seems like an awful lot of kids to have, especially in this economy. ;/

When you find out the man you thought was your father isn't, his brother's kids become your cousin'ts

The DOW is below 48,000 so does that mean we can go back to investigating Trump being a pedophile?

Ikr?

Autocorrect changed panic attack to picnic attack, and now i'm imagining surprise potato salad, sandwiches, and deviled eggs.

not sharing my pace secrets by gait keeping

You just took that pun and ran with it