Sara Lememe

women get such a narrow window to have kids like i literally just graduated from college 13 years ago

You ever tear up so much while getting your eyebrows done that you just have to tell your threader you’re going through something so she’ll judge you less

The world may be completely terrible and horrifying, but on the bright side, at least my personal life is also a major source of distress

Learning what we did in Venezuela vs. learning a foreign power can apparently barge into a country unannounced and take their leader away

Bride: I would like a black-tie dress code and for the bridesmaids to wear any lavender dress.
Everyone: So is it ok if I wear jeans and is a yellow bridesmaid dress ok?
Bride: I would prefer if you stick to my original vision
Everyone: wow what a bridezilla omg

Men will be like “just tell me what to clean and I’ll clean it” and then still never ever clean that thing

What form of mental illness is willingly choosing to put on All’s Fair

And as the thieves sped away from the Louvre with the Crown Jewels, I wondered, “when was the last time anyone treated ME like a priceless gem?”

Starting Love is Blind because I need to get emotionally invested in a group of messy people who aren’t our congressional representatives

IDK I just feel like the Supreme Court is gonna go “Well akshully the constitution says ‘Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press’ so it’s legal if the president does that stuff”

Silly me for thinking “I’m here for a good time, not a long time” meant we’d at least get to have one of those

Torn between “gotta hoard all my money bc we have no idea what’s gonna happen next” and “money isn’t real, gotta live it up while we still can”

If he does make a “proof of life” Truth Social post, how will we know it’s him and not Gavin Newsom’s social media manager

I love to think about, what if Jonathan Larson had been inspired by a different bill and we had been given a rock musical called HEALTH INSURANCE

I have an appointment with a new therapy practice tomorrow, and they will not tell me how much the appointment costs. Love playing bank account roulette.

“Madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” —me hoping for Lisa Murkowski to grow a fucking spine

I’m sorry but why are these images the same to me

After this season we need Love is Blind Long Island. Everyone’s Jewish and the only religion talk is about how they never go to synagogue.

Sleep meds aren’t enough, I need whatever was in that apple the queen gave to Snow White

The UnitedHealthcare CEO fled NYC on a bus out of Port Authority. We should let him go — that’s punishment enough.

Can’t believe we’re even asking this question. It’s obviously because girls go to college to get more knowledge, while boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider.

I honestly give it 3 days before Hulu gets 5 random podcasters to speculate for a documentary called Out of Pocket: The UnitedHealthcare CEO Killing

Spotify Wrapped this year is just a timeline of when brat came out and changed my entire personality

Every retailer yelling at me for the past 3 days “BUY NOW!!! This sale WILL expire on Cyber Monday!!!” And then extending the sale on Tuesday is why I have trust issues

The Wicked discourse has made me glad the internet wasn’t around when The Tortoise and The Hare came out bc everyone would be rushing to post “hear me out… an unpopular opinion… but if the hare didn’t get complacent and take a nap he would’ve won? Almost like it’s better to be slow and steady”

Girl math: Keeping random craft supplies in my closet, taking up space, in the off chance I might need this specific piece of ribbon 5 years from now so I don’t have to spend $2 on it again

Shocked to report that working out really *does* make you feel better. Could’ve never seen this coming.

I fear an email will never find me well again.

Everyone outside the U.S. stop asking how your American friends are doing