The interview was going great until my puppet started screaming
12.07.2023 15:21 — 👍 127 🔁 37 💬 0 📌 0The interview was going great until my puppet started screaming
12.07.2023 15:21 — 👍 127 🔁 37 💬 0 📌 0
🎶 I'm a joker
I'm Al Roker
I'm a forecast broker
Looks like Tuesday there'll be sun
Do you really hate nepotism or does your family just suck?
11.07.2023 23:43 — 👍 71 🔁 27 💬 6 📌 0
BANKER: After careful review of your financial history, I'm happy to say that we can approve your SBA loan.
ME: Great!
BANKER (sliding over a Susan B. Anthony dollar): We'll need this back on payday.
it's crazy that humans walked on hot pavement barefoot for thousands of years before inventing sneakers
11.07.2023 22:43 — 👍 35 🔁 16 💬 0 📌 0[performing several autopsies]: hmm they most definitely WERE giants
11.07.2023 04:19 — 👍 220 🔁 45 💬 3 📌 0I am going to not matter so hard on so many platforms
08.07.2023 17:01 — 👍 221 🔁 90 💬 7 📌 1If you’re a baby, don’t even try to play peek-a-boo with me. You will lose
23.06.2023 14:52 — 👍 186 🔁 36 💬 1 📌 1Fine. I'll do it. I'll fuck the Duolingo owl.
07.07.2023 23:23 — 👍 2189 🔁 285 💬 81 📌 26PRU!
11.07.2023 21:08 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
cell phone provider: we have unlimited talk and text
me: that's too much
HELLO JEFF
11.07.2023 19:00 — 👍 1 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0there's too many social media apps now, we've ruined the sanctimony of marriage
11.07.2023 15:30 — 👍 24 🔁 5 💬 2 📌 0