Bellarose

I've been reading A Sign of Affection, may this kind of love find us 🥹💓

Happy Independence Day 🇵🇭

And thank God I'm finally free from that toxic workplace, I filed for immediate resignation today!

Reading A Sign of Affection made me feel some type of way 🥹

Before the night ends, happy birthday to me 🎉💖

When I first met my boss he told me he wished I would stay for a long time at this job, AND NOW I KNOW WHY.
This job literally sucked the life out of me.

I hate this.

All these stress this job has given me and it has only been TWO MONTHS.

I was looking at my old tiktoks when I still had long hair and not stressed-looking.

A month ago I still had long hair, then cut it to shoulder length. And now I can barely tie it with a hairtie.
My hair had never been close to my neck and I look like a boy.

I am tired, and want to end all of this. But idk, maybe I just want to quit my shitty job.

Also, the death of our two dogs had hit a really bad emotional blow on me.
Then the new adopted dog scratched me but I haven't been vaccinated with anti-rabies shot and it's June already.
I even have to deal with authorities who abuse their power and I felt so defenseless.

I am so stressed I almost feel like floating daily.
But my psychiatrist told me not to unalive myself and she told me she have to refer me to a psychologist because she said my case was my case has alot to deal with psychological trauma than needing medications.

And all of these for only 2 months in current job.
It didn't helped how my co-workers smokes daily at work, and the constant hearing of derogatory terms has almost been normalized by them.
I am beyond stressed at this point, plus this whole ordeal with my narcissist mom.

My health is bad, my mental health is bad. I had to chop off a huge chunk of my hair because of excessive hair fall, and now I look like a boy.
My face is swollen, I'm constantly bloated. My eyes looks sunken.
I'm probably more deteriorated now that I'm working than when I was unemployed.

I honestly have been having one of the worst phase of my life ever.

When I got this job, I thought it would help better my mental health. I've been unemployed for nearly 7 months and struggled with the current job market. Had to take my first job offer but it's an obvious mistake.

Both of my arms still have bruises, but I just bought gel refresher and a storage box for my new rented room 🥹

My first night at the place I rented, the other renter invited me to their cookout with his friends.
I only have 2 sachets of ramen noodles with me, and that's all I could share with them.
And they gladly ate it, especially bro, who was grilling the fish.
I appreciate them so much. 🥹✨️

I'll be having another schedule with the clinical psychiatrist tomorrow.
Things are looking okay and after years of abuse, I'm finally at a safe place.

I finally filed a restraining order against my narcissistic mother and I finally moved out of the house.

Now, I'm currently cleaning a small room I rented away from home.
It's small and empty but this is a new beginning. 🙏✝️

Eating alone at a buffet is a double edge sword.
I love the wide variety of food choices but I get full really easily cuz I don't have anyone to yap with.

I was just at the All You Can Eat buffet and the little boy at the next table was sitting alone with his plate full of assortment of cakes, happily eating them and I thought that's probably the best day of his life. 🥹

a man wearing a black jacket with the word cav on the front ALT: a man wearing a black jacket with the word cav on the front

I told my co-worker I'm dating someone and it's Caleb. I'm cooked 😭

Are there any apps to retrieve permanently deleted photos?
I deleted some pictures I wasn't supposed to delete :((

So my co-worker received a voice message from the admin and he started answering to them as if it was an actual voice call, bro I had to remind him it was a voice message 😭😭😆

Rain stuck at the office, it was 5pm and we are all ready to go home 😆

I have a co-worker who always thinks and talks about his wife.
Whenever we talk about a certain topic, he would be like "Oh, my wife would love this."
"My wife watched that too."
"My wife wanted this."
"Oh, that reminds me, my wife..."

Oh, sis, you are so loved by your man. 🥹🥹👏

It's been a while since I saw these plants. I forgot what these were called.

Took the day off and went to the park to read a book today 📖🌳

I noticed I looked more and more haggard even with sheer makeup.
My eyebrows are my favorite part of doing my makeup, but I don't even do it now.

I didn't feel comfortable wearing my makeup like how I usually do around these men.

One thing I dislike working in a male dominated industry is me neglecting my physical appearance.

I love makeup, I love wearing them, however, ever since I started working, I started grooming myself less.
I started wearing very sheer makeup and never reapply them throughout the day.

As an oc myself, I felt relieved when I saw others operate the same way as I do with ocd.
I have contamination ocd and always labelled myself as "hygiene freak," knowing not everybody will understand even if I explain to them what ocd is.

The driver I booked last night is oc, bro literally took out a cloth and went out of the vehicle to wipe his windshield clean while we are in a red light.

Jesus is so funny, 2 weeks ago I've been muttering "I miss eating convenience food" then the following week all I ever ate was microwaved meals at 7/11 cuz all the stores were closed for the holy week and I was working overtime lol