Andy

This is the exact reason I opted to go micro

When I had to visit the office in Newcastle it was half the price of the train fare to fly from Southampton. Thankfully I work from home 99℅ of the time. But as long as I keep washing out my peanut butter jars to save the environment.

Wait until you hear about the black eyed peas

Or 12 months, bottom

Weird that you think skilled trades people are stupid and yet they are doing something you are entirely incapable of. Can't you check your own gas is safe...as the smartest kid at school?

Porridge.

Sorry not sure what the game is

I think they have already invented a pill that boosts your mood and makes you exercise all night.

Benefits of working at a Scout camp I guess?

They might buy your story, we do not. Honestly, I was trying to vacuum a fart, that's why I had a nozzle up my arse. Also I fart easier when dressed in women's clothes and sporting a gimp mask

It won't bring her back John

I don't know, I quite like hearing Mistletoe and Wine at Christmas

Absolutely, who on earth would want to do it 240 times in a row

Absolutely, and it's never 30 seconds, it's more like 10 minutes of discussion. The thing people don't realise is that it's only minutes for them, but if 20 others have already asked a simple question that day, then it's hours lost from your actual task, and it resets your thought process every time

These random 'just walk in and ask' questions are the exact reason I love working from home. Don't worry I'll just drop whatever I'm doing, interrupt my train of thought for your inane questions...that could have easily been in an email. The productivity lost by constant interruptions is immense.

Worked as a web developer for a car loans company years ago. The head of digital handed me a printout with a screenshot of a page that didn't load quickly. 10 years on and that print out still hasn't loaded.

Imagine what the 'worst' man was like at this wedding

Unfortunately his hobby is murdering prostitutes and hiding their bodies in the loft

If only there was a way you didn't have to have an affair, sounds awful mate, sounds like there was nothing you could have done to stop it.

What opinion of yours gained a follow from Jim Davidson?

Where can I access the whiteboard remotely? Maybe Livestream it? Do I need to send you an email if the whiteboard needs updating? I wish there was a better way, like an app or something

Yeah when I am walking the dog on a warm evening at the beach, watching the sun set as the waves gently lap in the shore I always think to myself yeah this is just shit. I would much rather commute to work on a hot sweaty tube train, then to home and hear constant sirens.

You showed some Enterprise doing that

I'm sure VR porn would be great, but there's always the nagging doubt that someone will come home early and see you...like that

Firstly no one is paying £80k for a domain name these days and secondly see point one. As others have said if you don't own it there is no association with you, so no one to contact. Really strange that you think this is at all credible.

It probably smells like old man sweat, fake tan and burgers, with subtle undertones of bull's shit and just a faint hint of dictatorship

Twitter do an aftershave now? I bet it smells like 'hate'

i was said this to my freind the other day and he was all like what? the inter-net isn't speled that way and i was all like yes it was but then he said it wasnt and I said that was not but he said it wasn't not then we said the interNet was still porn that so we also say Inter-net with a big eye?:

You know, you cheeky Scamp

Ah bless, you changed it. I feel so powerful now, influencing strangers from afar