William Lamb

Post an Onion headline that lives in your head rent free.

A pug stands on a blue platform while two people hold and inspect him. A headline reads: "Vito Is First Pug to Win National Dog Show." Photo by Bill McCay/NBC via Getty Images.

Vito beat out nearly 2,000 other dogs to become the first pug to win the National Dog Show. The two-year-old pup became a sensation on Thursday, when the competition, which was held earlier this month, was broadcast on NBC after the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. www.nytimes.com/2024/11/29/u...

Musk’s Slashing of the Federal Budget Faces Big Hurdles The so-called Department of Government Efficiency, with Elon Musk as co-leader, has advantages that past budget-cutters did not, but laws and court challenges can still make change slow and difficult.

News Analysis: Elon Musk's so-called Department of Government Efficiency will face a daunting reality. Any effort to slash the U.S. government and its 2.3 million civilian workers will likely face resistance in Congress, lawsuits from activist groups and delays mandated by federal rules.

How much?

Wow. This is disturbingly good.

Harold W. Sims Jr., Whose Museum Honored the House Cat, Dies at 89 He displayed some 10,000 cat-themed artifacts at the American Museum of the House Cat in North Carolina, which welcomed several thousand people a year.

This is one of the most enchanting, fun places I have ever been. Farewell to a true original.

I distinctly ordered the Antarctic blue Super Sports Wagon with the C.B. and optional rally fun pack.

‘Wicked’ Fans Singing in Movie Theaters Are Anything but Popular Some fans who have attended early screenings of the film adaptation of the hit Broadway musical have treated it as a singalong. Not everyone is thrilled.

Feels like you can weed out the monsters who would do this by not going to a first-week showing of Wicked www.nytimes.com/2024/11/20/m...

A starter pack of the folks reporting from sea to shining sea 🇺🇸 go.bsky.app/M6UF5ZS

Human in Bear Suit Was Used to Defraud Insurance Companies, Officials Say Footage of a bear rifling through luxury cars was submitted to insurance companies, which paid out $140,000. But something seemed off.

“Upon further scrutiny of the video, the investigation determined the bear was actually a person in a bear costume.”
www.nytimes.com/2024/11/14/u...

The NYT starter pack is up to 99 people go.bsky.app/3p3ARGN

Feels like time to reup this.

I know people will disagree but I think this is 100% right. Canceling your subscriptions may feel like the right thing to do, but you’re ultimately hurting newsrooms that have nothing to do with decisions made by billionaire owners (who won’t feel any of this). Support newsrooms.

Tucker Carlson Tells Crowd Trump Will Give Country a ‘Spanking’ The former Fox News host used a bizarre extended metaphor at a rally in Georgia where Donald J. Trump spoke.

"You’ve been a bad girl, you’ve been a bad little girl, and you’re getting a vigorous spanking right now."
www.nytimes.com/2024/10/24/u...

Three-person rock fight?

This Sedative Is Now a Go-To Drug for Executions. But Does It Work? (Published 2022) A legal battle in Oklahoma over whether prisoners feel severe pain after being given the sedative, midazolam, will determine whether its use is constitutional.

www.nytimes.com/2022/03/08/u...

Man Found Strapped To Gurney, Injected With Poison In Execution-Style Killing BARTLESVILLE, OK—Expressing horror as they described the brutal nature of the killing, law enforcement officials confirmed Monday that local man Aaron Turney had been found strapped to a gurney and in...

“Officers arriving at the scene found the victim had been bound to a stretcher and pumped full of midazolam, vecuronium bromide, and potassium chloride in what we have determined was an execution-style killing,” said state police spokesperson Raymond Perk.

Woman who faced eviction over 3 emotional support parrots wins $165,000 in federal case A woman who faced eviction from her Manhattan apartment over her three emotional support parrots will be paid $165,000 in damages plus $585,000 for her apartment under a consent decree announced by fe...

Neighbor Charlotte Kullen started complaining in 2015: “Oh God, I wake up still with nightmares of them screaming in my head."

Herbert Hoelter, Prison Consultant to the Rich and Infamous, Dies at 73 He helped Martha Stewart, Leona Helmsley, Michael Milken and other white-collar criminals win lighter sentences, and prepared them for life in prison.

Don't miss the kicker.

‘She Is the Icon of All That Is Joyful in the World’ A little green puppet from an old children’s TV show is healing hearts for a new generation of viewers.

Are you feeling mad? Are you feeling kinda sad?

After Outcry, Chuck E. Cheese Says It Will Keep More Animatronic Bands Plans to phase out most of Chuck E. Cheese’s animatronic bands prompted fans to plead for their survival. The bands will now play on at three additional locations.

Accountability journalism: The move comes after The New York Times detailed the chain’s plan to phase out animatronic performers at all but two of the more than 400 Chuck E. Cheese locations in the United States by the end of the year.

Kim Kardashian Is Sued for Saying Her Tables Are Authentic Donald Judds In a promotional video, the reality star said her office furniture was designed by Judd, the minimalist artist. His foundation says otherwise in a new lawsuit.

I can’t know how to hear any more about tables.

Not a cringe tune for me!

A precursor of power-pop icons the Raspberries, Cleveland rock'n'roll band Cyrus Erie was originally formed in 1967 by singer/guitarist Tim Manning, bassist ... Cyrus Erie - "Get the Message" (1969, ft. Eric Carmen)

RIP Eric Carmen. He gave us "Hungry Eyes," yes, but also this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-Dt...

Dog Sledder Penalized for Poor Moose Gutting While mushing across Alaska in the Iditarod sled dog race, Dallas Seavey shot a moose, and then got a penalty for not gutting it well enough.

A five-time Iditarod winner faces a two-hour penalty in the world’s biggest sled dog race for not gutting a moose well enough.

Flaco, Escaped Central Park Zoo Owl and Defier of Doubts, Is Dead Let loose by an act of vandalism, the Eurasian eagle-owl died after apparently striking an Upper West Side building, according to the zoo.

I gasped. Terrible news.

AT&T Is Down. How Do I Make a Call? Step 1: Connect to Wi-Fi.

"Imagine a telephone that is plugged into the wall. The calls you make on this device would be sent through wires attached to tall wooden poles. Science fiction? Incredibly, this technology exists today!"

Elmo Asked an Innocuous Question Elmo was not expecting it to open a yawning chasm of despair.

Elmo I get, but, I'm sorry, Grover is too busy to write his own tweets?
"Social media accounts for Elmo, Big Bird, Grover and other 'Sesame Street' characters are run by a four-person team at Sesame Workshop."