T'Other Simon

I don't often advertise individual gigs, unless there's a good reason to. And I think 'supporting Milton Jones' is a good reason to.

If you happen to be in Reading in April, you can witness it happening. Twice. An early show and a late show.

Link 'ere: www.justthetonic.com/reading-come...

One of the most delightful things about being a fan of the Wave Pictures is that they always tend to have a new album out, no matter when you check.

"WOAH".

Good god this makes me feel like such an elderly person.

Man, I miss Kid'n'Play, don't you?

*shudders*

I was going to add a clarification that it's NOT semen that's creating that effect, but honestly, I've never looked at the ingredients of the L'Oréal stuff that I use, so I can't say for certain.

It is a bit, isn't it?

A man - me - with hair that is ludicrously high. And let's face it, 'high' isn't generally a term that should be used for hair in the first place. Unless you're Marge Simpson. And - to be clear - I am not.

Starting to think I might need a haircut soon.

Yes.

And hot on the heels of that, we've just confirmed a gig with one of my comedy heroes - one of *everyone's* comedy heroes, I'd have thought. Two gigs with them, actually.

I feel quite emotional about it and I don't know why. Be cool, Simon. Deep breaths.

It's sort of lovely and flattering and stuff. But I try to picture the poor audience members looking up at the stage with two slightly miserable looking men on it, singing songs about Toblerone-shaped poos. And I can't imagine what they're thinking. Well, I CAN, but I'm trying not to.

Sometimes I really struggle to get my head around events that we're booked to play. We were asked to play at a festival and - cos we're great guys - agreed to do it. The Friday night headliners: Dave Pearce & Brandon Block: Dance Anthems.
The Saturday night headliners? Us. Two men playing ukuleles.

We had an alleged 'rehearsal' last night. Amongst other things, these happened.

Awwww....

I hope this hand grenade finds you well...

And not “Roly Poly Monopoly?” Pity.

This article all about a choir singing an 'inappropriate song' is missing a *really* key detail.

Following in the footsteps of Fats Domino and Chubby Checker, I'm planning to release a rock'n'roll album under the name 'Obese Kerplunk'.

God, advertising your own stuff is a horrible experience. "I WANT YOU TO PAY MONEY TO COME AND SEE ME SAY THINGS THAT I THOUGHT OF A WHILE AGO". Disgusting.

n.b. It's a work in progress so some bits might be brilliant and other bits might be unbearable. Or it might all be entirely one or the other of those things. Or other proportions. I don't know. I'm really not the best judge of these things. CONCESSIONS AVAILABLE.

Just remembered that we added an extra show to our Leicester Comedy Festival schedule, cos the first one's very nearly sold out. Probably ought to advertise it.

Leicester. Sunday Feb 8th. 13:30. Funny songs and stuff.

Please come or we'll look really stupid. www.justthetonic.com/leicester-co...

It's such an amazing city. And the national gallery on the right is one of my favourite places.

This year’s Goalkeeper Laureate is…

Man, I wish I knew more than one goalkeeper so I could make a clever goalie/poet pun. But alas there's very limited options for making a suitable pun about David Seaman's name.

Never mind the FIFA Peace Prize, who's won this year's Nobel Prize for Keepy-Uppies?

Underneath an article about the comedian Olaf Falafel making a pun, there's an AI generated question, asking 'Why did Olaf Falafel use the pun?'. This insistence on cramming shitty AI into everything really is utterly awful.

Thank God Facebook has built in AI offering an easy way to get answers to questions like this.

We've recently had a couple of videos do relatively ok on YouTube which, excitingly, means we now get to deal with idiots on ANOTHER platform. Delightful.

Haha!

My cousin...