✨️Owen✨️

it sucks when someone launches me into the air with a rising sword attack and keeps me up there indefinitely by shooting me with akimbo deagles that never run out of ammo

I hate playing scary games but I love watching other people play scary games. Like that’s so neat but I’m watching from the comfort of not being too close to the screen and covering my eyes a lot.

becoming urgently self-aware and hungrily introspective, as a bit

fruity pebbles can snap crackle and pop but snap crackle and pop can’t fruity pebbles

calling AAA to change the sheets in my race car bed

my life is the embodiment of the one friend who walks behind the other two friends bc the sidewalk is too narrow

why don’t little kids ever tear their acl they run dumb as fuck

going to the bar and airdropping this to everyone around me

Fishy: 0 Vet: 33,000

mr krabs at sephora:

i went into the bluesky building and i sat down with the president of bluesky and i said … “i want to make history” … and that’s what this is!

A Crab Rangoon would FUCK right now.

If I decide to end it all, I’ll just eat Cap’n Crunch until the roof of my mouth bleeds out.

“everybody was kung-fu fighting” oh? even a little baby? a little baby with no muscle strength was kicking and punching and flying around? a tiny little flying kung-fu baby? get out of my face

at a new dentist’s and they put a bib on me hope i don’t have to eat too many teeth

#memes

uber eats: u look hungry

me: ya

uber eats: but ur so fuckin lazy

me: ya

uber eats: i bet little piggy wants a 15 dollar ice cream cone delivered

me: ya

idgaf if you hate me. i’m getting cuter and sillier everyday. cow on skateboard

note to my haterz

magical fairy cow that’s saying “me after i get 10hrs of screen time” with a smiley face

Carry on Wayward Son has to be the best song about wayward sons carrying on there is

NEVER KILL YOURSELF