I increased my antidepressant dose and for the third day I've been shaking with anxiety and muscle tension and can't do anything. The doctor said to be patient and that it could last up to two weeks. It's exhausting T.T

I am severely exhausted, the medication is only making things worse for now, and it's hard for me to even get out of bed. But I have to endure it, and I hope that I will get better.

The last two weeks have been difficult, and I had to admit that I can't cope. So I went to a psychiatrist. The doctor wasn't the most tactful. But through tears and humiliation, I got a prescription. And I started taking pills.

Hello, dear ones
I haven't written anything for a long time because something was going on inside me that I couldn't put into words. But now I can. I am completely exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, physically. My “battery” is below zero, my anxiety has reached a critical point, and I've broken down.

WIP 🩵✨

Just a small burnt bun in flour. My husband tried baking bread himself and spilled a bit of flour, huh
Also, the streets are already covered in snow with knee-high drifts. It looks so beautiful, like a quiet winter dream

I try to focus on the good things in my life, but it’s hard. I need to pull myself together and work more to cover loan payments and support our life while my husband recovers… Right now it feels overwhelming, and I’m not sure I can manage it. It’s so hard. I just hope I get better soon T.T

Everyone in my family died suddenly, and my mother suffered for a long time in the hospital - that memory still stays with me. Since then, hospitals and ambulances trigger strong anxiety for me. I thought these past two years had healed it a bit, but now it’s all come back along with the nightmares.

Because of PTSD after losing my mother (and before that, my father), I panic deeply whenever my husband has health problems. He’s the only one I have, and I’m very afraid of losing him…

My husband is feeling a bit better now and needs fewer painkillers, which is good 💖 But my mental health has taken a hit - too much stress has worsened my anxiety disorder. I’m focusing on resting and taking care of myself. As soon as I can, I plan to see my therapist and get medication.

I am very worried that I will not be able to support us both... After all, our loan payments are quite large, sigh. This is all so untimely... And it hurts me so much to see him suffering T.T

Tomorrow we will go to a neurologist to find out what to do next, but the treatment will take up to six months, during which time he will not be able to work.

Today my husband had an MRI, and it showed that he has a large hernia in one place and a protrusion in another. The sciatic nerve is severely pinched, which is bad because it could die (I mean the nerve, yes)

I feel terrible asking for help again. I'm used to dealing with everything myself, but this year and its events have been just awful.

WIP 💖

But I negotiated with the bank about one of my loans and it seems that I am no longer facing legal action for late payment... Adult life is totally sucks.

(Sorry if there are mistakes and inappropriate words in my posts, I don't have the energy to double-check my translator)

I am so tired, but I am slowly drawing commissions in the evenings. I hope everything will work out soon...

Now we are trying to see a therapist to get a referral for an X-ray - if we have to pay for it, it will be very expensive, so we will go to a regular hospital... I hope the doctor won't refuse, otherwise I will make such a fuss!

Fortunately, it's not thrombosis, but now the neurologist is throwing up her hands and sending us for an X-ray. She said it's a very unique case of nerve entrapment... It shouldn't hurt this much!

All these days I've been running around with my husband to doctors, with no time for anything else. They scared me that it could be venous thrombosis, so we spent even more money on an ultrasound scan of the veins to rule out this diagnosis.

To be honest, I got more useful advice from ChatGPT than from doctors...That's so bad т.т

I also really hope that he just needs other prescription medications... Tomorrow we will go to see our regular doctor, maybe other medications will help. We can only go to a private doctor after the 8th (my husband's payday), so we need to at least ease the pain :<

It also looks like he won't be able to work for the whole month (he even has trouble walking around the house), so I'm responsible for all the payments and I'm very worried... Why is it that as soon as things start to get better in my life, something bad happens? I'm so tired...

He has tried all the painkillers that could possibly help, but if there is any effect, it is short-lived. We want to make an appointment with a private neurologist, and my husband also needs an MRI and possibly nerve block injections, but it's all very expensive...

But the appointment with the neurologist is not until September 23, the course of injections is already over (and it didn't really help either), and he is only getting worse. He literally can't even sit down because of the pain 😭

By that time, he was feeling worse and the injections weren't helping, so the therapist prescribed different ones and told him to see a neurologist...

My husband felt pain in his leg at the beginning of last month and went to the emergency room. He was prescribed injections and told to wait for an appointment with a therapist - his appointment was on the 28th.

To be honest, I feel very guilty about having to ask for help so often... But this dark period in my life is not ending.

Hungry VS ate dumplings :D

(The only thing more awkward than this is drawing new YCHs and taking new commissions when the old ones haven't been completed yet, but I still need to support my family and pay off my loans... sorry, meh)