Panda Valentine

I know what I’m doing - said the liar, lying

My dog sleeps like she’s dead

I also help with laundry by singing the laundry song when @misspelleditaly.bsky.social forgets to shuffle it along to the dryer
(And sometimes I just shuffle it along myself because she’s tired and had a long day)

My best friend, myself and her husband got mistaken for a throuple again.
I’m just the basement gremlin that helps cook, cleans the kitchen and sometimes deep cleans the bathrooms.
I don’t actually experience human emotions and respond to most moments of vulnerability with “ew, feelings”

Is it alcoholism or is it just an unfortunately robust understanding about the current state of affairs in the United States of America?

Before and after organising my shoe and wig closet

People be out here driving like they never seen a snowstorm before

LOL. Already.
Fucking amateurs

The holy Trinity. One for hydration one for caffeinating and one for fun.
#autism

Watching my offbrand Roomba navigate around a piece of furniture and still managing to effectively clean underneath it makes me realise it has better problem solving skills than most people

Do I know anyone named Maria? No I do not.
Do I like fucking with scammers? Yes yes I do.

New Year’s Eve over the Sydney Harbour Bridge care of my best friend back in Australia #nye #Newyearseve
#Australia #Sydney #photography

Sometimes you just have to drink a lot of wine and rage clean the kitchen until you feel better about life. Or else you’re gonna call a racist to fucking cunt on the Internet just to start a fight.

Vegas Day 4: we kept it low-key the morning of day four since that was my travel home day but I did find a Capital One lounge directly near my gate and had more than a few mimosas while I waited for my flight.
Came home to a very silly dog and some snowy weather

Vegas Day 3: we almost always get lucky at Spago and get sat by the windows so that we can watch the Bellagio fountains.
They were synced to Christmas music when we were there, which was adorable

Vegas Night 3: it’s not a trip to see Stabby without going to Spago for dinner.
Yes, it’s an expensive restaurant, but it’s so so worth it

There is a hidden bar inside Omega Mart and I highly recommend checking it out. Get the Happle Juice. No, that’s not misspelled. Just trust me.

Vegas Day 3: we went to Omega Mart and Grayson is very cute!
I didn’t know what to expect at a mega Mart and it was not at all. Be aware it is loud and a bit overstimulating so if you have loop earbuds, I highly suggest taking them if you have sensory processing disorder like me.

Vegas Night 2: trying to find all the Nutcracker in the Enchant Christmas maze. We were gonna get some spiked hot cocoa but after all the sushi we were pretty full and also it was 72°. It’s not really hot cocoa weather.

Vegas Day 2: Wandering the Linq and omakase sushi that finished with wagyu foie gras nigiri that was absolutely incredible.
Also is it even Vegas if you don’t see a lady completely passed out in a decorative feature (no photos cause I respect her privacy)

Vegas Day 2: I don’t know why the Fremont Street tree is wearing an ornament bikini but I do know the outdoor bar right across from it pours very heavy.
And also, if you like people watching Fremont Street is the perfect place to do it. Also pizza vending machine because why not?

Vegas Day 1: since I got through security so quick I was able to enjoy looking at the Christmas decorations in the airport and then I got to meet a very cute fat babby once I arrived in Vegas

Vegas Day 1: breezed through TSA, got 2 hash browns when I only ordered one and met one the the Buddies at the airport. Also, a very nice mimosa by my gate.

Last night I introduced @stabithastabs.bsky.social to Australia’s national drink, the lemon lime and bitter.
They approved.

Time doesn’t exist in airports

The fact that it’s already December is just proof that time flies whether you are having fun or not

People that lost one shoe on the off/on ramp.
How’s your life going? What happened that led up to this shoe abandonment? You good, babe?

It’s drunk Xmas card time

Shout out to my lactose intolerant baddies.
I know y’all about to make some poor decisions tomorrow.

Now that I have your attention.
It’s time defrost your turkey