He's the Dadliest Man Alive

Is it just me or is screen time less about how much is too much and more about when will my anxiety subside to a manageable level that I can function as a normal parent again.

Money is tight. It's gonna be a dried macaroni glued to construction paper kind of a Mother's Day.

🪨>TT

Family Hotels, stocking Tates Cookies and Sour Gummies in the room snack bar is entrapment!

It wasn't that long ago that I was making my own decisions.

I have a deal with my children. They get unlimited screen time and I get to space out for a while.

Is it me or is "big feelings" the most patronizing shit you can tell a baby?

I keep forgetting my kids don't understand sarcasm yet so now they think I'm always sick and I do everything for my health.

"You can't discipline the you out of your children" is the most passive aggressive way of calling you an asshole.

I know I should have asked sooner, but who the hell are Huey, Dewey, and Louie’s parents?

It is a glaring oversight that these mommy blogs never address how to accept a child who doesn't take to Star Wars like you imagined.

We have two kids because everyone should have someone to tell on.

My boy asked what tariffs are. I told him it was a higher cost on goods coming to our country. He said that's dumb because we always need more good.
Close enough. 💗

I applaud the child's strategy of picking the most expensive toy in the aisle so I'll reward him by purchasing the play doh.

Nobody:

My kids: can I have a snack.

Christmas is your once-a-year window to further lower your children's expectations.

BREAKING: Man playing soccer in over 40 league tears ACL, completes right of passage.

Kids out of school day 1/9: only one big fight and attention meltdown. We are going through Costco provisions faster than anticipated. Holiday spirits have taken some damage. The 12pack run audible was a success.